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The most important thing to remember at the close of 2023

“Remember to put the face mask on yourself before putting it on your infant,” said a flight attendant to the young father in the row behind us. My favorite guy and I were traveling back from our holiday adventures in Wisconsin and had the good fortune to be seated in front of a well behaved baby.

“Got it,” replied the young dad politely on hearing this reminder now for the third time.

Putting on your own oxygen mask before putting it on someone depending on you seems right, even if in the moment it goes against parental instincts. We know deep down it’s true, but we need reminding at times. Maybe not three times at takeoff, but every once in a while. Parenting a 15 and 13-year old, I still need this reminder, and it has nothing to do with actual face masks.

As 2023 comes to a close I see my email inbox and feeds filling up with reminders. What did you learn in 2023? What are you taking into the New Year? What challenges did you overcome? What did you accomplish? These are well and good. I spent this morning back in California jet lagged and hyped on coffee reflecting on my year in review. I looked through my camera roll, journal entries, and my calendar month by month. For each month I wrote down my highlights and lowlights. The good, yummy stuff — like the people I met (including my wonderful boyfriend), the places I traveled to, the work I got to do, and the fun I had back in NYC performing comedy again and turning the Big 5-0! There were plenty of lowlights, too — the times I got reactive, lost my patience with my kids, lost nights of sleep worrying, didn’t take care of my physical health as well as I needed too, and more. You could say that I learned things in 2023 from the highs and lows and in betweens.

But here’s the thing. You can’t learn what you already know.

I know that I need to put on my face mask before assisting others. I know that I can’t control what my children do, don’t do, or how often they want to get their haircut (Goddess knows I try!). I know that loving kindness is way more powerful than fear, negativity, and hate. I know that living in comparison to others only brings me pain. I know that I can trust in the great spirit of the Universe, and in myself as I’m a part of it, even when times are difficult and I don’t understand or like what’s happening in my life or the world around me. I know that the only way through hard times is through them.

So, if I know all these things already I can’t learn them. I can only remember them. This year I’m choosing to look back and remember.

I remember that progress is better than perfection.

I remember that I can’t offer others what I don’t provide to myself (insert love, compassion, forgiveness).

I remember that I’m a spiritual being in a temporary meat suit having a human experience.

I remember that the best way to teach my children that they belong in this world and are worthy of acceptance and love is through my example.

I remember that anxiety and worry are negative prayer.

I remember that the energy I put out in the world — good, bad, or neutral — comes back to me.

I remember if I’m making everyone else happy I’m likely feelin’ miserable.

I remember that every moment is sacred, especially the most ordinary ones.

I remember that humor and play heals, even when life seems downright serious.


What are you remembering as the calendar turns toward 2024?

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Your Ambitions are No Joke

Cut to springtime in Amman, Jordan 2017. We’re moving in July. But where? The school year was soon ending, the kids then seven and nine years old, and the summer was on our heels. Recently divorced, the lease on my apartment was coming to an end as were our Jordanian visas. I’d scheduled our going-away parties and a moving sale. We were headed somewhere on a one-way ticket. But where?

Plan A was to move to Washington D.C., where I’d accepted a state department job. My security clearance was in process and my job now frozen under the new adminstration. Over the past six months I watched Plan A go from blazing fire to smoke and ashes. As the flames waned I just kept heaping on more logs, certain that having a plan B distracted me from my plan A. I thought my sheer focus and attention on Washington would help bring it to life despite the state department hiring freeze. I was sure that considering alternate plans might confuse the very busy Universe. But moving to D.C. without this job didn’t feel right.

Over a plate of tabbouleh, my friend Lily asked, “Wherever you land this summer, do you know you’ll land on your feet?” 

“YES!” I  answered definitively. “I’ll land on my feet… even if I fracture a leg in the process.”

That same evening I opened up my bedside journal. Earlier in the year I wrote an entry creatively titled, “My Dreams.” 

The kiddos looking out over Petra, Jordan May 2017

The entry was like a shopping list made up of the secret ingredients for a meal I was hoping to cook up. The first ingredient on the list was Write. I’d written a blog the summer before about our quest to travel on kindness and wanted to write a book about our journey and keep blogging. I had a list of people I dreamed to meet, so I added Oprah, Ellen, and Liz into the soup like bits of saffron for good flavor, and as if we were already on a first name basis. I put Travelon the list. I had Relationships and added a descriptor, New modern love (hoping to uncover what that meant and which aisle I’d find it on once I was at the store). Soul Coaching was on the list, even if I didn’t know what it meant either; I liked the way it sounded. I put Women on this list with an underline, wanting to focus my life’s work to the benefit of women especially. And I wrote New York –big and bold with a long dash next to it.

New York–  meant New York City. It was the place that had intrigued me since my first visit after college.

New York — meant a dream coming true. Each day I stared at an imaginary picture of myself in Washington D.C., the with the kids, the new office, and the neighborhood in Arlington, Virginia where we’d live and I wondered if it was the most supportive place for us to be. Politics very much not aside in 2017, was D.C. where we wanted to be now at this point in history? I froze up too. 

The rest of the story is in the book I’ve been working on since that summer! But I share this here because in the depths of my uncertainty about where to leap to with my two young kiddos, mapping out where to go that summer was not about a rational list of pros and cons. It was not about following the dreams of where other people wanted us to move to. It was about following the direction set by the ambitions of my heart. After looking at that list in my journal, I started to consider New York.

Looking back I can’t imagine our lives without our three years in New York. It wasn’t easy to sell and give away all of our belongings to land in the Big Apple with two suitcases each. But it was right. For us. New York was a launchpad for all of those other dreams — writing, soul coaching, leading circles and workshops for women, and my first tastes of modern love. We may not be on a first name basis, but I even met Liz Gilbert at a meditation event and she wrote me a love note, “I’m in silence today! But I love you!”

What are the dreams of your heart? What are the ambitions you’ve tucked in the middle of some journal, tacked onto a vision board, uttered to a close friend, or lie in the depths of your own heart?

Your ambitions are no joke. They give you direction in life. When you set out on a trip you plug the destination into an app. It’s not about which roads you take as much as moving in the right direction. Same goes for your ambitions.

Want to move to another country, travel and work all over the globe but don’t have a passport or job that’ll take you? Want to run a marathon although you’ve only run a couple of miles? Want to write a book but you’re only scratching out emails now? Want to start a solopreneur business based on your passion even though you’ve done something “normal” most of your life? Want to perform comedy on stage in NYC although you’ve got serious stage fright and only your kids laugh at your jokes?

These are all dreams that lived in my heart until I fanned their flames and decided they were all roads worth taking.

Write down at least five big or small DREAMS and AMBITIONS. Writing them down gets your subconscious brain working on them even if they seem far reaching and unattainable. This is not goal setting time. This is not the time to say, “These dreams are impossible to achieve because of x, y, and z.” This is allowing yourself to dream and dream big of the future you most deeply desire.

As the year winds down, it’s the perfect time to dream.

Beginning January 26th I’ll be coaching a group of people in a six-week series called Ambition to Action. I’ve helped successful organizations like Lego and the LVMH companies, teams, executives, leaders, and myself move ambitions to actions, and I’m so excited about offering this to you. Let’s turn your vision board into an action board!

More info on the Ambition to Action series at: http://www.newyorkminutes.org/ambition-to-action/

Dream as if your life depends on it. It’s free and it’ll help you make 2024 the most fulfilling year ever.

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How Do You Drive?

time lapse cars on fast motion

“How you do one thing is how you do everything,” my yoga teacher has a way of saying the exact moment I decide I can’t hold this *#$%ing chair pose one more moment. But she’s right. And so I hold on, legs shaking, trying to be that person who believes in herself and her ability to hold the chair pose a few seconds longer. I hold on because the class is on Zoom and I’ve got webcam on, otherwise I’d totally… oops.

If how you do one thing is how you do everything –and we exclude the chair pose because it’s cruel to hold the position of sitting in a chair for more than 4 seconds without an actual chair– how do you drive?

I live in L.A.; it’s all about driving.

Are you a Type 1 Driver? Do you have a tight grip on the wheel? Are all other cars obstacles to be avoided (and feared) and all other drivers enemies?

Slight detour? Unhappy!

Traffic? Rage!

How about a Type 2 Driver? Are you asleep at the wheel? Not like, I’m-so-cool-I-have-a-self-driving-Tesla and it’s fine to sleep in my ride. More like snoozing through the journey. Type 2 says, I go one specific route from A to B because that’s the shortest one or it’s routine! Or, I drive this way because that’s how I’m supposed to drive. Basically, are you a park and drive within the lines kinda gal/guy?

Or are you a Type 3 Driver? Do you keep a soft grip on the steering wheel, while the tunes are rocking and your GPS gently nudges you in the right direction?

Detour? New roads and scenery to admire!

Traffic? Time for a new podcast!

Soccer ball kicked by the neighbor’s kid denting your brand new Tesla? Time to play!

Are you Type 1, 2, or 3 Driver?

Depends? If it’s a leisurely weekend day trip or a manic Monday? On who’s driving in the car behind you? The time of your last refuel?

If how you do any one thing is how you do everything, how you drive is how you live.

Ok, it doesn’t have to be so extreme. We all have Type 1 days. Come to think of it, Type 2 days have become months in some (personal) cases. But in general? How do ya roll? And is that the way you choose to drive, live, relate, love, and be?

After explaining this metaphor to my 10-year old son to ensure it was understandable (and that has NOTHING to do with my average readership age, btw), I asked him how I drove.

He laughed. “You drive like Type 1.”

“No, honey. This is, like, A METAPHOR! I know I drive like that on the highway because I HAVE TO OR WE WOULD DIE!” I explained. “But if I were talking about how I am in life… you know, how am I when I’m not behind the wheel? I’m so Type 3, right?”

“You’re better when you’re not driving, Mom,” he spit out unwillingly. “You’re not confident when you drive here.”

God that hurt.

If I’m not confident driving here it means I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust other drivers. I don’t trust the car, the road, the traffic, the anything. Oh wait, we’re talking about driving? Or life?

I want to be a Type 3 driver. A Type 3 driver trusts life. If every day is a winding road, and the road of life is winding, a Type 3 driver accepts that at times it’s smooth going, and for months on end it may be stop-and-go to only be met by a cross-country trip over speed-bumps (i.e. the year 2020).

I love me a good metaphor (and hope you do, too). So, if the car is my body, I stop to refuel (or recharge). The GPS is my own internal guidance and I’m checking in with it as I go. I’m also present to the here and now. The road signs and cruise control give me external support to make the whole journey more comfortable. I WANT ALL OF THAT! As in driving, so in life!

Be like a Type 3 Driver! Not only when driving. When you do chair pose, or when you help your 5th grader with his book report that was due December 18th (and it’s mid-January and he’s still reading the book), or even when the lady at the beach tells her kid to give space to someone else in THE PACIFIC OCEAN, but you mistakenly think she’s telling your kid who’s swimming on his own IN THE OCEAN where he needs to be in THAT WIDE OPEN SPACE, which enrages you beyond comprehension.

Yes, I know. I’ve got Type 1 issues. I’m working on it. In the above example when my son told me I was embarrassing for telling the lady to not tell him where to be in the ocean because she wasn’t talking to him I definitely switched gears and drove like a Type 3: I cowered back to my beach chair in shame, asked my son to forgive me for being a jerk, and atoned myself by writing this story in a blog.

That’s my simple approach to moving from Type 1 to Type 3 in life: first wince, then apologize, try to learn from the experience, and forgive yourself because that’s how gracious Type 3 is.

Repeat after me, me.

I trust life.

I trust myself.

I trust you.

I trust the universe.

I trust everything.

Love and peace on your journey, especially if you’re driving on the (highway) 405.