Tag: spiritual growth

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The most important thing to remember at the close of 2023

“Remember to put the face mask on yourself before putting it on your infant,” said a flight attendant to the young father in the row behind us. My favorite guy and I were traveling back from our holiday adventures in Wisconsin and had the good fortune to be seated in front of a well behaved baby.

“Got it,” replied the young dad politely on hearing this reminder now for the third time.

Putting on your own oxygen mask before putting it on someone depending on you seems right, even if in the moment it goes against parental instincts. We know deep down it’s true, but we need reminding at times. Maybe not three times at takeoff, but every once in a while. Parenting a 15 and 13-year old, I still need this reminder, and it has nothing to do with actual face masks.

As 2023 comes to a close I see my email inbox and feeds filling up with reminders. What did you learn in 2023? What are you taking into the New Year? What challenges did you overcome? What did you accomplish? These are well and good. I spent this morning back in California jet lagged and hyped on coffee reflecting on my year in review. I looked through my camera roll, journal entries, and my calendar month by month. For each month I wrote down my highlights and lowlights. The good, yummy stuff — like the people I met (including my wonderful boyfriend), the places I traveled to, the work I got to do, and the fun I had back in NYC performing comedy again and turning the Big 5-0! There were plenty of lowlights, too — the times I got reactive, lost my patience with my kids, lost nights of sleep worrying, didn’t take care of my physical health as well as I needed too, and more. You could say that I learned things in 2023 from the highs and lows and in betweens.

But here’s the thing. You can’t learn what you already know.

I know that I need to put on my face mask before assisting others. I know that I can’t control what my children do, don’t do, or how often they want to get their haircut (Goddess knows I try!). I know that loving kindness is way more powerful than fear, negativity, and hate. I know that living in comparison to others only brings me pain. I know that I can trust in the great spirit of the Universe, and in myself as I’m a part of it, even when times are difficult and I don’t understand or like what’s happening in my life or the world around me. I know that the only way through hard times is through them.

So, if I know all these things already I can’t learn them. I can only remember them. This year I’m choosing to look back and remember.

I remember that progress is better than perfection.

I remember that I can’t offer others what I don’t provide to myself (insert love, compassion, forgiveness).

I remember that I’m a spiritual being in a temporary meat suit having a human experience.

I remember that the best way to teach my children that they belong in this world and are worthy of acceptance and love is through my example.

I remember that anxiety and worry are negative prayer.

I remember that the energy I put out in the world — good, bad, or neutral — comes back to me.

I remember if I’m making everyone else happy I’m likely feelin’ miserable.

I remember that every moment is sacred, especially the most ordinary ones.

I remember that humor and play heals, even when life seems downright serious.


What are you remembering as the calendar turns toward 2024?

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How Do You Drive?

time lapse cars on fast motion

“How you do one thing is how you do everything,” my yoga teacher has a way of saying the exact moment I decide I can’t hold this *#$%ing chair pose one more moment. But she’s right. And so I hold on, legs shaking, trying to be that person who believes in herself and her ability to hold the chair pose a few seconds longer. I hold on because the class is on Zoom and I’ve got webcam on, otherwise I’d totally… oops.

If how you do one thing is how you do everything –and we exclude the chair pose because it’s cruel to hold the position of sitting in a chair for more than 4 seconds without an actual chair– how do you drive?

I live in L.A.; it’s all about driving.

Are you a Type 1 Driver? Do you have a tight grip on the wheel? Are all other cars obstacles to be avoided (and feared) and all other drivers enemies?

Slight detour? Unhappy!

Traffic? Rage!

How about a Type 2 Driver? Are you asleep at the wheel? Not like, I’m-so-cool-I-have-a-self-driving-Tesla and it’s fine to sleep in my ride. More like snoozing through the journey. Type 2 says, I go one specific route from A to B because that’s the shortest one or it’s routine! Or, I drive this way because that’s how I’m supposed to drive. Basically, are you a park and drive within the lines kinda gal/guy?

Or are you a Type 3 Driver? Do you keep a soft grip on the steering wheel, while the tunes are rocking and your GPS gently nudges you in the right direction?

Detour? New roads and scenery to admire!

Traffic? Time for a new podcast!

Soccer ball kicked by the neighbor’s kid denting your brand new Tesla? Time to play!

Are you Type 1, 2, or 3 Driver?

Depends? If it’s a leisurely weekend day trip or a manic Monday? On who’s driving in the car behind you? The time of your last refuel?

If how you do any one thing is how you do everything, how you drive is how you live.

Ok, it doesn’t have to be so extreme. We all have Type 1 days. Come to think of it, Type 2 days have become months in some (personal) cases. But in general? How do ya roll? And is that the way you choose to drive, live, relate, love, and be?

After explaining this metaphor to my 10-year old son to ensure it was understandable (and that has NOTHING to do with my average readership age, btw), I asked him how I drove.

He laughed. “You drive like Type 1.”

“No, honey. This is, like, A METAPHOR! I know I drive like that on the highway because I HAVE TO OR WE WOULD DIE!” I explained. “But if I were talking about how I am in life… you know, how am I when I’m not behind the wheel? I’m so Type 3, right?”

“You’re better when you’re not driving, Mom,” he spit out unwillingly. “You’re not confident when you drive here.”

God that hurt.

If I’m not confident driving here it means I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust other drivers. I don’t trust the car, the road, the traffic, the anything. Oh wait, we’re talking about driving? Or life?

I want to be a Type 3 driver. A Type 3 driver trusts life. If every day is a winding road, and the road of life is winding, a Type 3 driver accepts that at times it’s smooth going, and for months on end it may be stop-and-go to only be met by a cross-country trip over speed-bumps (i.e. the year 2020).

I love me a good metaphor (and hope you do, too). So, if the car is my body, I stop to refuel (or recharge). The GPS is my own internal guidance and I’m checking in with it as I go. I’m also present to the here and now. The road signs and cruise control give me external support to make the whole journey more comfortable. I WANT ALL OF THAT! As in driving, so in life!

Be like a Type 3 Driver! Not only when driving. When you do chair pose, or when you help your 5th grader with his book report that was due December 18th (and it’s mid-January and he’s still reading the book), or even when the lady at the beach tells her kid to give space to someone else in THE PACIFIC OCEAN, but you mistakenly think she’s telling your kid who’s swimming on his own IN THE OCEAN where he needs to be in THAT WIDE OPEN SPACE, which enrages you beyond comprehension.

Yes, I know. I’ve got Type 1 issues. I’m working on it. In the above example when my son told me I was embarrassing for telling the lady to not tell him where to be in the ocean because she wasn’t talking to him I definitely switched gears and drove like a Type 3: I cowered back to my beach chair in shame, asked my son to forgive me for being a jerk, and atoned myself by writing this story in a blog.

That’s my simple approach to moving from Type 1 to Type 3 in life: first wince, then apologize, try to learn from the experience, and forgive yourself because that’s how gracious Type 3 is.

Repeat after me, me.

I trust life.

I trust myself.

I trust you.

I trust the universe.

I trust everything.

Love and peace on your journey, especially if you’re driving on the (highway) 405.



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Are You Going through Hell?

Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Instead, when I look back at some of the most challenging times in my life leading up to my divorce and raising Samuel and Oliver on my own in Jordan, it’s as if I set up camp. Camp Hell. I didn’t get the t-shirt but I imagine it would read: “Camp Hell: Come to Roast, Stay to Burn.”

It sounds grim, right? It WAS grim! 

It’s not that there weren’t people around me willing and able to support me on the journey through the fiery pit. It’s that I bought INTO the full range of sizes and colors in t-shirts reading, “This too shall suck,” “What doesn’t kill makes you wish it did,” “Success is born of struggle. Struggle. More Struggle. Repeat,” and “If you want to run fast, run alone; if you want to run far, run alone. Life’s a long-distance sprint down a lonely-ass road.” 

Grim. Earnest. Serious. So grim.

What got me out? Two buried treasures that it would take me time to dig up:

Community + Spiritual Growth.

“Spiritual Growth” simply meaning there’s something larger at work in my life and it’s a force of goodness and grace. It goes by names like God/Goddess, the Divine, Spirit, the Universe, and many more. And “Community” meaning people who would see me through the darkness with support and acceptance, hellish burns and all. 

After two decades working in the corporate world as a cross-cultural trainer and coach I feel deeply called to provide space where like-hearted people can come together to flourish and grow while experiencing life’s challenges. I feel called to share what I’ve learned about finding our own inner truths and letting them guide our way, instead of relying on outside voices. I feel called to help myself and others navigate our lives based on LOVE vs. fear and all of the shapes it can take in our lives such as control, jealousy, holding on, worry, comparisons and scarcity mindset. And I feel called to do this all in a fun and funny way, knowing that the most SACRED in life can be not-so-f*$#ing-serious. 

My NEW t-shirt slogans are: “It will be easy, fun and light or I ain’t doing it!,” “If you’re going through hell, bring marshmallows!” and “I run fast and far, but never alone.” 

If you are going through hell, please read these words slowly and as often as helpful:

Keep going.

Go with support.

Go knowing you are loved.

Go with courage.

Go with ease, grace and lightness.

All is well. And all will always be.

And if you would like some support on your walk, I’m offering three programs in the next month which offer my own special sauce of life coaching, Reiki healing, Akashic Records consultation and Com-eD-Ee. I’m kicking off with a free webinar this Thurs, Jan 30 on “Unlocking Your Inner Superpower” at 12noon ET. Bring a question you want an answer to, and we’ll play with one of our greatest gifts, our INTUITION! Whether you’re a seasoned intuitive or can’t even spell the word, you are welcome!  

I’m also starting an online course on Friday, Feb 8th  that will meet for weekly for six weeks for people who feel called to transform their lives in community called “ExtraOrdinary Grace in Challenging Times.” We have a few spots left for this first Friday cohort, so please let me know if you are interested! 

And I’m continuing my face-to-face open circle “Spiritual Growth’ meetings in New York City. The next one is Wed, Jan 30 from 7-9 at the Meditation Studio on the Upper West Side.

I’d love to have you join one of the events and I’d be grateful if you’d share them with friends and loved ones if you feel called to do so. 

Whatever you are going through — heaven or hell, tough times or smooth waters — may you know that YOUR *Special Sauce* is something that is absolutely needed RIGHT NOW on our planet. Lay on that sauce, baby! 

Let’s do this, and get the NEW t-shirts!

~ Info and registration links available on EVENTS page ~ http://www.newyorkminutes.org/events/