There’s nothing wrong with supporting others. But when is it too much? How do you know when it’s TIME to pursue your own ambitions?
Supporting others is one of the most fulfilling things we can do! As a mom of two teens, I’ve got half a dozen part time jobs directly supporting our family of three, including my very own (but barely operational) fluff & fold laundry service, driver service, short order dining and catering service, and an expanding teen counseling practice.
I feel good about supporting my kids, as well as my partner, family, and friends. But when the scale is tipped too far on the supporting of others and not enough weight is devoted to nourishing my own dreams and ambitions things start to unravel.
I can divide up a typical day into parts:
my energy pie
I certainly think about my ambitions and goals each day. I dream of doing my own creative solopreneur venture full time every day. I aspire to doing more stand up comedy here in LA. But no one is gonna to write this blog, market my work, write my jokes and wheel me onto the stage, or fan the flames of my ambitions for me.
If you’ve read this far, I bet you also have some ambitions that have been on the back burner simmering away but not forgotten. I’m guessing you’re also a devoted family member and friend, and don’t hesitate to support the dreams of others. Only you know when the scale has tipped too far and you’re not filling the cup of your own dreams and ambitions.
Here’s how to assess where your energy is going and get clarity on what you’re ready to focus on:
Map out the pie chart of your day or your week.
Notice: Where does your energy go?
Highlight the areas that nourish you, your body, mind, and spirit.
Underline the areas that are energy draining.
Circle the ones that directly fan the flames of your dreams.
Put stars by the areas that directly support others.
Draw lines between the ambitions that are directly connected.
What’s reflected back to you in your energy map? What’s missing?
Not sure where to start? Imagine in 12-18 months you took your last breath. Which ambition(s) would you want to be sure to bring to life before that last exhale? Morbid, I know, but it’ll lead you to your truth.
💡 Your ambition could be something you’d like to be, feel, or embody. We’re human beings after all, in a doing world. As an example, I want to feel healthy, strong, and agile in my body 50-year old body. I want to embody playfulness and peacefulness.
💡Your ambition could also be something you’d like to do, create, or experience. I want to write more consistently, move into a more spacious space, and turn my solopreneur passion project into a full time gig.
There’s a virtuous cycle between what you’d like to embody and create. Find the connection between the two.
Maybe you also can’t and don’t wish to jump ship on your life and dive head first into writing that first book, starting that podcast, moving to that new place, or finding that amazing partner/community/job. But your dreams deserve 15 minutes a day of focus. Break down one ambition into small steps and take one baby step today. If your dream is to write your first book, you can dedicate 15 minutes to journaling, reading about book writing, brainstorming what you’d like to write about and why, or even opening a word doc and staring blankly at it until your fingers start to type. You might even sleep better tonight.
Beginning on Friday, May 10th I’ll be launching another cohort of my 6-week workshop series called “Ambition to Action” to support a group in actively pursuing and bringing to fruition their ambitions. If you’d like to get on the fun and put your name on the pre-registration list, email me at KimberlyBlanchardCoaching@ gmail. com or sign up for my newsletter list. More details to come soon!
Your ambitions are seeds planted in you for a reason, and pursuing them is a divine act. Try taking a focused 15 minutes of one small step toward your goal in the next 24 hours and let me know how it goes in the comments. You’ve got this, my friend. 🙌
Cut to springtime in Amman, Jordan 2017. We’re moving in July. But where? The school year was soon ending, the kids then seven and nine years old, and the summer was on our heels. Recently divorced, the lease on my apartment was coming to an end as were our Jordanian visas. I’d scheduled our going-away parties and a moving sale. We were headed somewhere on a one-way ticket. But where?
Plan A was to move to Washington D.C., where I’d accepted a state department job. My security clearance was in process and my job now frozen under the new adminstration. Over the past six months I watched Plan A go from blazing fire to smoke and ashes. As the flames waned I just kept heaping on more logs, certain that having a plan B distracted me from my plan A. I thought my sheer focus and attention on Washington would help bring it to life despite the state department hiring freeze. I was sure that considering alternate plans might confuse the very busy Universe. But moving to D.C. without this job didn’t feel right.
Over a plate of tabbouleh, my friend Lily asked, “Wherever you land this summer, do you know you’ll land on your feet?”
“YES!” I answered definitively. “I’ll land on my feet… even if I fracture a leg in the process.”
That same evening I opened up my bedside journal. Earlier in the year I wrote an entry creatively titled, “My Dreams.”
The kiddos looking out over Petra, Jordan May 2017
The entry was like a shopping list made up of the secret ingredients for a meal I was hoping to cook up. The first ingredient on the list was Write. I’d written a blog the summer before about our quest to travel on kindness and wanted to write a book about our journey and keep blogging. I had a list of people I dreamed to meet, so I added Oprah, Ellen, and Liz into the soup like bits of saffron for good flavor, and as if we were already on a first name basis. I put Travelon the list. I had Relationships and added a descriptor, New modern love (hoping to uncover what that meant and which aisle I’d find it on once I was at the store). Soul Coaching was on the list, even if I didn’t know what it meant either; I liked the way it sounded. I put Women on this list with an underline, wanting to focus my life’s work to the benefit of women especially. And I wrote New York –big and bold with a long dash next to it.
New York– meant New York City. It was the place that had intrigued me since my first visit after college.
New York — meant a dream coming true. Each day I stared at an imaginary picture of myself in Washington D.C., the with the kids, the new office, and the neighborhood in Arlington, Virginia where we’d live and I wondered if it was the most supportive place for us to be. Politics very much not aside in 2017, was D.C. where we wanted to be now at this point in history? I froze up too.
The rest of the story is in the book I’ve been working on since that summer! But I share this here because in the depths of my uncertainty about where to leap to with my two young kiddos, mapping out where to go that summer was not about a rational list of pros and cons. It was not about following the dreams of where other people wanted us to move to. It was about following the direction set by the ambitions of my heart. After looking at that list in my journal, I started to consider New York.
Looking back I can’t imagine our lives without our three years in New York. It wasn’t easy to sell and give away all of our belongings to land in the Big Apple with two suitcases each. But it was right. For us. New York was a launchpad for all of those other dreams — writing, soul coaching, leading circles and workshops for women, and my first tastes of modern love. We may not be on a first name basis, but I even met Liz Gilbert at a meditation event and she wrote me a love note, “I’m in silence today! But I love you!”
What are the dreams of your heart? What are the ambitions you’ve tucked in the middle of some journal, tacked onto a vision board, uttered to a close friend, or lie in the depths of your own heart?
Your ambitions are no joke. They give you direction in life. When you set out on a trip you plug the destination into an app. It’s not about which roads you take as much as moving in the right direction. Same goes for your ambitions.
Want to move to another country, travel and work all over the globe but don’t have a passport or job that’ll take you? Want to run a marathon although you’ve only run a couple of miles? Want to write a book but you’re only scratching out emails now? Want to start a solopreneur business based on your passion even though you’ve done something “normal” most of your life? Want to perform comedy on stage in NYC although you’ve got serious stage fright and only your kids laugh at your jokes?
These are all dreams that lived in my heart until I fanned their flames and decided they were all roads worth taking.
Write down at least five big or small DREAMS and AMBITIONS. Writing them down gets your subconscious brain working on them even if they seem far reaching and unattainable. This is not goal setting time. This is not the time to say, “These dreams are impossible to achieve because of x, y, and z.” This is allowing yourself to dream and dream big of the future you most deeply desire.
As the year winds down, it’s the perfect time to dream.
Beginning January 26th I’ll be coaching a group of people in a six-week series called Ambition to Action. I’ve helped successful organizations like Lego and the LVMH companies, teams, executives, leaders, and myself move ambitions to actions, and I’m so excited about offering this to you. Let’s turn your vision board into an action board!
“I’m gonna get wasted this weekend in LA,” shared the young mother traveling solo. She sat next to me at a bustling bar at the Boston airport, and had just ordered her third glass of Pinot Grigio.
“Oh, fun,” I hesitated, mentally ordering her three waters and putting an imaginary Tylenol on her napkin. I was totally projecting my own experiences with long flights and hangovers onto the young mom. Although I now imbibe on rare occasions, I still remember the morning after a glass or two too many of Pinot Grigio all too well.
But another kind of hangover has crept into my life this last decade or so. After my first experience with it my coach said, “Oh, you’ve got a vulnerability hangover.”
“A wha?” I asked.
“You did something big and vulnerable, so you’re feeling exposed. It’s a natural contraction,” she answered.
I hired this coach to help me prepare for my first keynote presentation. I’d thought after I’d succeeded with this task I’d feel relieved or maybe even elated! But instead I wanted to hibernate in a dark room with two Tylenol and a pot of herbal tea. I guess my coach was right: I was hungover without the Pinot Grigio.
I get this kind of hangover after vulnerable conversations, after trying out new jokes on the comedy stage, and after doing something new and stretchy at work. When snakes shed their skin as they grow, they also feel vulnerable and hide away. I imagine their new, bigger snake suit feels glossy and nice, but also tender.
I’m sharing this because these vulnerability hangovers still surprise me when they happen. “Shouldn’t I feel amazing? I did a new/hard/good thing!” I think to myself. “Why do I feel so crappy?!”
When a vulnerability hangover strikes me I try to be gentle with myself and remind myself that this kinda hangover means I’m growing. Lots of water and cozy blankets help, too. I’d rather have a vulnerability hangover than an old, too tight, dried out snake suit.
Do you get vulnerability hangovers, too? If so, how do you take care of you when they come your way?
If you’re looking to grow, shed some skin, and have groovy snakes to slither with (sorry, not sorry!) there’s still time to get in on the fun we’re having starting today and for the next six weeks in The Sandbox for Intuition Development + Creative Expression.
You can join one or more of the playshops, even if you’re not available for the whole 6-week series:
Playshop 1: Creative You – Creativity as Your Essential Nature (Fri, Oct 6)
Playshop 2: Creative Blocks – Healing the Creative Wounds (Fri, Oct 13)
Playshop 3: Creative Nourishment – Practices that Support Your Creativity and Flow (Fri, Oct 20)
Playshop 4: Creative Expression – Connecting with your Unique and Authentic Expression (Fri, Oct 27)
Playshop 5: Creative Expansion -Coloring Outside of the Lines and Expanding Your Creative Range (Fri, Nov 3)
Playshop 6: Creative Force of Nature – Creative cycles and the Magical Art of Completion (Fri, Nov 10)
When you register for a Playshop, you can hop into any of the Sandbox sessions as well to spend time creating in community.
By the way, the solo traveling mom ended up sitting a few rows in front of me on my flight back to LA last week. I noticed she took a nice long nap on the six hour trip, and I trust she had a lot of fun in LA and has fully recovered from any and all hangovers — vulnerability or otherwise. 🙂
I hope if you’re also feeling a bit tender, vulnerable, or stretchy these days you know that you’re experiencing new/hard/good things and you’re not alone. And if you’ve got a vulnerability hangover, hang in there and do what feels good to you in times of growth.
The single most important thing I’ve learned doing stand up comedy in NYC over the last couple of years is that while it’s fine to read the crowd, you don’t let the crowd dictate your energy on stage — whether they’re quiet and not laughing much or ‘hot’ and roaring. If the last comedian bombed, you bring your ALL. If the last comedian crushed, you bring your ALL. If there are three people in the crowd and you paid for their entrance and drinks so you could get on stage, you bring your ALL. If you’re in a packed room of hundreds who came to see you, you bring your ALL. Same same in life.
YOU BRING THE WEATHER!
Folks, I know for most of us it’s cloudy on board, and sh*#’s flying at us from all angles. We can’t control what’s happening around us and how other people are feeling and responding to what’s happening, or how much frozen food they’re buyin’ and stockpilin’. But we are FULLY RESPONSIBLE for the weather we bring. So, as much as possible, bring the sunlight, bring the calm skies, and bring the smooth seas.
Here are some ways we can bring the sunshine:
Give! The easiest way to shift your vibration positively and forget about how your rent/mortgage is about to be due but your paychecks are through is to help someone else. Check on your elderly friends and neighbors and let them know you’re available to fetch groceries, walk their dogs, or talk on the phone. Your time and attention is the greatest gift of all. See how you can support local businesses, the homeless, frontline healthcare workers, grocery store clerks, and so many others who need your specific magic and support during these times. I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve got me some friends over 70. This past week my phone log shows I spent 134 minutes talking to those peeps over the last week, and I’M THE BETTER FOR IT. They’re fine and all perfectly healthy, by the way. They’ve just been checking on me.
Nature! Even if we can’t leave home, we can listen to the birds, talk to a plant (they are such good listeners), or listen to soothing nature sounds at home. Mama Earth is a master healer.
Sleep! Enough said. Nobody judgin’ most of us for staying in our pajama (bottoms) all day. Sleep, nap, rest, repeat.
Laughter! “Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand,” said Mark Twain. Ellen’s Pawsup on IG is where we begin our day. Paws Up on IGMost comedians without a side hustle are completely out of work and could use your support (if not financially, you can like/share their work, and follow them)! Trevor Noah and the Daily Show team are producing their show from their couches, and that’s where my boys and I choose to get our news Monday to Friday. Daily Show with Trevor Noah
Move Your Body! At home, get yo reminiscent groove on with Richard Simmons, Jane Fonda, or Gilad, or do some yoga with Yoga with Adriene and her pup Benji, spin with Pelaton, or boogy down to some tunes at home! Or even better, find out how you can support your favorite local fitness and yoga instructors with online courses.
Spend time with elephants! Ok, this may be a stretch right now. How about we all watch an elephant video or two? Here’s one from my Thai adventure that I could watch on loop all day long. I do, actually. Mama sits on tired baby ellie
Gratitude! It’s easy to get swept up in how the changes in our lives are affecting us negatively. But, my guess is there’s so much to be thankful for if you’re reading this blog. Start with breath itself. Air. Life. The miracle of your body. Maybe you get to spend more time with your pet, loved ones, or alone. What’s sustaining you now?
Let the Fear/Anxiety/Worry move through you! Sit with your fears as if they’re your beloved child, breathe through them, and let them move up and out in whatever way feels best to you. Let’s do it right now. We okay, and we gonna be okay. That feels good.
Compassion! If someone around you is buying up the last dark chocolate peanut butter cups on the shelf, STOP THEM NOW! Just kidding. You can surely understand why they would. If someone sneezes in the grocery store, send them a “Gesundheit,” or “Bless You,” or wrap them in a cocoon of white light. Everyone’s doing their best in this moment. If you want the world to calm the F down, be a beacon of peace, faith, and loving kindness. You just keep bringin’ the sunny weather, my friend.
Use your intuition! Your intuition is always guiding you always on what street to take, how much and what food you need, whether now is a moment to stay home or go out, and that, yep, you can leave that bar of soap on the shelf for somebody else to buy.
Routines! Part of what many of us are suffering from is a complete break in our daily routines. The kids may be home from school, your work may be completely virtual (or in absentia) now. What beautiful new routines feel good for you? Where can you build in more spaciousness now?
Nutritious food, plenty of water and vitamin C! Or, whatever’s left on your grocery store shelves. I had no idea how much I’d love frozen onion rings, so thanks for leaving those.
Conscious News! If you choose to monitor the news, choose which news sources you monitor, when, and how often you choose to receive news. For positive news, I’m consciously tuning into John Krasinski’s Some Good News and Inspire More Inspire More Videos on YouTube Focusing on the positive isn’t naive, it’s essential. What we focus on expands, so let’s allow the goodness, kind-heartedness, and love on board flourish by giving it our full attention.
Breathwork! – Have you tried breathing? I know, I know. We’ve somehow been doing it successfully our whole lives. Check out David Elliott on Spotify for some pranayama yoga that might just show you the magical power of inhaling and exhaling (as well as the magic of a sweet southern twang). Or support a local/remote teacher who is offering virtual classes like Awakened Breathwork with Christian.
Prudent Purchasing! We all need to buy goods y’all, so let’s purchase with the abundance mindset. There’s plenty for us all, unless we take too much.
Where did the dark chocolate peanut butter cups GO?!
Prayer! Send positive thoughts first thing in the morning and right before sleep (and many times in between) to all beings. Simple say, “May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all,” as the Sanskrit Mantra, Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu, goes. Or choose your own prayer. Prayer is simply kneeling at the feet of the divine, or the force of love that governs all, and placing all of your hopes and fears in her hands.
Depth! Even now, it’s easy to get caught up in the superficial, like uh, “What’s for dinner when I have no idea how to cook?” Or we can revert to talking about the pandemic, the blaring headlines, plus all of our anxieties and worst case scenarios. How about instead of, “How much does everything suck?” we ask our loved ones, “What’s sustaining you now?” or “What’s inspiring you?” or even “In what ways do you find yourself sharing your gifts during this extraordinary situation?”
And thank you, by the way. For sharing your gifts.
In the comments, I’d love to hear how YOU are Bringing the Weather! Lemme know.
“It’s not safe to leave the house,” says my 10-year old son. “We could catch the coronavirus!”
Maybe he’s right. I don’t know for sure. For perspective, it’s March 7, long before NYC’s schools close and we’re ordered to shelter at home. “It’s Central Park, baby,” I reply. “Plus, we need fresh air and exercise to keep us healthy!”
After several minutes of back and forth and some arm twisting in the form of me agreeing to buy Nutella crepes en route, I convince my son to leave the apartment.
Is my son feeling prudent? Or a wee bit paranoid?
Over the last weeks, I’m sure all of us have tinkered with our internal scale of being prudent vs. being paranoid when making decisions. On one side of the scale there’s paranoid, knee-jerk, panicky behavior like buying thirty extra rolls of toilet paper and armfuls of Trader Joes’ dark chocolate peanut butter cups. I MIGHT NEEEEED THEM!
Then there’s prudence. I’m not in love with the word “prudent” either, folks, but I do love me some alliteration. On this side of the balance there’s prudent, discerning, thoughtful behavior-– kinda like buying five extra packs of toilet paper and gobs of peanut butter cups. Single mother and two children cannot survive on toilet paper alone!
Truth is, we’re all making decisions during the pandemic in different ways. In deeply personal ways. What’s prudent for you, might feel paranoid to me. And vice versa.
When the Novel Coronavirus outbreak first shut down Wuhan City in China at the end of January I was packing my bags for a trip to Thailand. With a layover in Taiwan. A week before the trip I froze up looking at a city under lockdown. This looks serious. I started having second thoughts. Should I go? What if I get sick? What if I get stuck in Thailand or Taiwan and can’t return to the US to my boys? I mean, my ex-husband was flying in to NYC from where he lives in Italy (oh, the future irony) to be with my sons, and I was looking forward to being at an elephant sanctuary on the tropical Mae Wang River on a spiritual retreat (can I get a “Hallelujah” and an “Amen”?). But what if the ten day trip mutated into a quarantine on return? Flights from China were already thwarted. Taiwan (and eventually Thailand) surely couldn’t be far behind.
What on Earth should I do? (I love that phrase, by the way, because it implies that there’s other planetary wisdom out there).
I reach out to friends.
One of my best friends flat out says, “DON’T go. Don’t risk it.”
I call another friend. “You’ll be fine. You’re not transiting in China. Remember SARS? That was way overblown.”
Then I call my friend who was co-leading the group trip to Thailand. “I’m scared, and feel irresponsible leaving my kids. What if something happens to me? What if I get sick or can’t get back to the U.S.?” I say for the first time aloud.
“Trust your intuition,” she declares. “It’s never failed you.”
Oh, yes. My own trusty inner voice. That faithful internal GPS that’s never steered me into the Hudson River on my way home. Why didn’t I think of that?
Two reasons. One: my internal GPS whispers. She doesn’t shout. And two: Fear has a way of clouding over that sage voice and gobbling it up like nutella crepes on a Saturday morning. Fear is the foe of our trusty inner knowing.
We were due to leave for Thailand on a Saturday evening. I promised myself to decide within the week — by Friday. I prayed on it. Meditated on it. Journaled on it. Walked around in Central Park reflecting on it. Obviously this was way before half of NYC was dressed in full body condoms scraping shelves clean of all products punctuated by 6 feet of distance as I currently write this. And, it was long before my 10-year old son was anxious about leaving the apartment, if it weren’t for the promise of Nutella crepes.
I ask for guidance. Then comes the whisper, “The answer is in your body.”
WHAT? Is this hide-and-seek?!
But I know what the whisper means.
I feel into it — into my body.
What does it feel like imagining myself flying over the North Pole all the while covered in a aloe-ey layer of Purell, landing in Taiwan, transiting on to Chiang Mai, and making our way to the elephant sanctuary? What would it be like to open the flowing curtains of my bamboo hut the next morning to greet the 58 year-old “Grandma” elephant and gently place three plump bananas in her leathery trunk while she blinks her eyelashes at me in delight? What about splashing buckets of cool river water onto Grandma and the other dozen elephants, walking with them (i.e. ducking behind tree trunks to get out of their way), daily Kundalini yoga sessions, and trying my hand at cooking authentic Pad Thai at a local cookery school?
I feel e x p a n s i o n.
B r e a t h.
W a r m t h.
O p e n n e s s.
A l i v e n e s s.
I mean, COME ON! Even if you’re NOT into the spiritual/yoga jam, there’s P A D T H A I AND E L E P H A N T S, people!
And then my heart twinges. Travel. It may be difficult to get back to New York. President #45 could close the borders. My ex might have to return to Italy before I can get back home. JFK airport customs and immigration might quarantine me at the JFK Holiday Inn. The boys could be Home. Alone. In. New. York. City.
After the twinge I feel a long, deep pinch in my heart. This virus is serious, and is about to wreak havoc on life as we know it. Not now, or even in the next couple of weeks. But soon.
I take a long breath. The answer is clear. I text the trip leader. “See you in Thailand. ”
I’m going to Thailand, even without the assurance I won’t get sick or that I can get home easily.
I’m not a nervous traveler. I’ve worked in forty-odd countries, including Iraq. I’ve lived outside of the US, my home country, for sixteen years, and spent seven of those living in the Middle East. I’m not braggin’ here; I’m just saying that what happens next was new.
As I pack my bag for Thailand that Saturday evening my stomach is tied up in 329 knots. My hands tremble as I shove my lightweight yoga mat into my heavyweight suitcase. Although I’d decided to go, fear wells up in my body and spills out.
I’m shaking like a 46-year old nervous traveler leaf! What the Tom Kha Kai is wrong with me? I know I’m supposed to go on this trip, but I’m AFRAID.
I go for a walk to help move the nervous energy through me, still shaking. Then I zip up my suitcase, hug my two young boys tightly, and say, “I’ll be back in ten days,” hoping that would be true. My ex arrives in time to lug my bag down the two flights of stairs before I make my way to JFK airport, where he’d just landed.
On the trip to Thailand I decide to take precautions. You know, the prudence thing. I’ve got Purell, WetWipes, face masks, multi-vitamins, and oil of oregano. And I have an epic, once-in-a-lifetime adventure with Grandma, new Thai friends, a super fun group of fellow travelers, and SO MANY ELEPHANTS !
Have I mentioned there were ELEPHANTS?????!!!!!!!
In ten days I’m back home in New York. I’m healthy. We all know that symptoms of coronavirus could develop within 14 days. None of us develop symptoms.
Fast forward to a few weeks later. New York City closes Madison Square Garden, Barclay’s, and all Broadway shows. The shows must NOT go on. Soon after, all schools and businesses in NYC shut down.
But LIFE must go on. And we must choose how to live it. And our children and grandchildren — even if you aren’t a parent or grandparent– are watching, folks.
As you make decisions during these days, are you weighing in more heavily on the side of prudence or paranoia? Only you’ll know.
On a meditation broadcast on social media by Deepak Chopra recently he said, “We’re all passengers on Cruise Ship Earth.” Indeed, we’re all on the same boat. Whether we’re in first class, economy, or workin’ on the ship. Whether we’re infected or not. This is not to say we’re experiencing the pandemic the same on board. But it is our collective illness. We’re all affected and we’re all needed to be a part of the remedy.
What do we do while aboard? Turn up in arm-long gloves and N95 masks at the lobster buffet and hoard all the crustaceans? Curl up in solitary confinement in a drafty lifeboat? Or do we dance in perfectly — social distanced — formations in the galleys? Make love in the cabins?
We choose, knowing that our choices have a ripple effect on everyone aboard.
We can choose FEAR – i.e. grasping, scarcity, not-enoughness (insert toilet paper, basmati rice, bottled water, Lysol spray, and peanut butter cups), thereby allowing our fears to thrust themselves outward like waves across the ocean. And where our fears meet the fears of others, a thick current of collective fear, mistrust, and anxiety will flow. Dare I say, this tide is a-risin’ fast.
It’s easy to be in fear now. That’s the vibration buzzing aboard. We know that fear and stress compromise our immune system. We also know that in most cases fear is about future worries and is not about the present moment.
Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
Cruise Ship Earth, we may be going through hell. Let’s not throw anchor out here!
What do we do with our fear? Let it rise UP and OUT. Fear is not meant to stay in the body. It’s meant to activate us to move, to change, to transform it to something else. Fear is a natural way for us to deal with feeling threatened. But we’re not meant to live in this state – a state of increased blood pressure, heart rate, and anxiety.
We all deal with fear in our own ways. The key is to process it. See it, feel it, allow it, and move through it. Talk to a loved one or counselor about it. Let your body shake it out, cry it out. Walk it out. Whatever works for you.
My ex and his family have been in lockdown in a town in northern Italy for several weeks now and he notes that none of the panicky stockpiling of goods is happening in Italy as it is here in New York City, and from what I’ve heard across America.
Why’s that?
Maybe we’ve forgotten that we’re all on the same boat. We’ve put such value on the individual in the “United” States of America we’ve lost sight of the fact we’re all connected.
And this virus has already reminded us in dramatic ways this disease is all of ours. Covid-19 knows no country borders, social classes, voting party lines.
United we sail. Divided we sink.
There’s no my toilet paper and your toilet paper. Okay, maybe there is. But I believe there’s PLENTY for all of us when we share the toilet paper.
Let’s shift point of sail. Remember the LOVE BOAT show and its theme song from the 1970’s?
Love, exciting and new, come aboard, we’re expecting youuuuu.
You’ll thank me later for reminding you of that tune. Or not. Probably not.
We get to bring ONE PIECE OF LUGGAGE ON BOARD, matey! We get to choose: is my luggage packed with fear? Or is it filled with love? It can’t be a little this, and some of that. It’s one or the other.
When we choose LOVE-– in the form of trust, faith, peace, calm, kindness, and generosity – we embrace it like the inflatable pants we’ll need when a fellow passenger throws us overboard.
IT’S LOVE!
When there’s LOVE there’s no room for fear, scarcity, anxiety, and not-enoughness. Oh, and small point, our true selves know only love. So the bad feelings we get when we’re packing up the fear (and Lysol, all the frozen foods available, and way too much TP) are because they’re so out of alignment with who we really are.
Bottom line. Fear is absolutely normal. Especially now as we sail through uncertain waters. Be gentle and compassionate with your fears.
However, love is MORE NORMAL!!! But how do we make sure we’re bringing the LOVE aboard?
Bring the Weather– The single most important thing I’ve learned doing stand up comedy in NYC over the last couple of years is that while it’s fine to read the crowd, you don’t let the crowd dictate your energy on stage — whether they’re quiet and not laughing much or ‘hot’ and roaring. If the last comedian bombed, you bring your ALL. If the last comedian crushed, you bring your ALL. If there are three people in the crowd and you paid for their entrance and drinks so you could get on stage, you bring your ALL. If you’re in a packed room of hundreds who came to see you, you bring your ALL. Same same in life.
Folks, I know for most of us it’s cloudy on board, and sh*#’s flying at us from all angles. We can’t control what’s happening around us and how other people are feeling and responding to what’s happening, or how much frozen food they’re buyin’ and stockpilin’. But we are FULLY RESPONSIBLE for the weather we bring. So, as much as possible, bring the sunlight, bring the calm skies, and bring the smooth seas.
My son told me this post was long — even in pandemic times — so read on about how to bring the weather during Storm Corona here… How to Bring the Weather feel free to check it out later or now and then come back. We’re expecting youuuuu!
On Saturday morning, March 28th, Oliver, my 10-year old son asks, “What are we gonna do, Mama?”
“We’re making crepes at home this morning,” I answer steadily. My internal GPS says it’s more prudent to stay outdoors than go into restaurants, even if they’re still open. “Then we’re going to lather up in Purell and head into Central Park for a walk.”
Just kidding. I don’t know how to make crepes. We have peanut butter cups for breakfast.
That same day I make plans for us to leave our itsy bitsy teeny weeny Manhattan apartment and head to a friend’s empty home on Long Island (with bikini –just in case we’d be there a long while). My internal GPS has been consistent and clear that it’s time to prepare to self isolate in a place with more leg room (and refrigerator space). I pack all the peanut butter cups I have, plus the remaining rolls of TP I’d gathered.
I pack not knowing how I’ll “remote school” two young boys while working to support us in a new place with no support network of friends or family nearby. I pack not knowing what New York City will be like when we return. I pack not knowing how long we’ll be gone, nor who we’ll be when we come home.
There’s so much uncertainty. For us all. But the truth is, there always was. And there always will be.
There always was uncertainty. And there always will be. Uncertainty isn’t the enemy. Our oversized fears about uncertainty are.
On Saturday March 28 my 12-year old son FaceTimes with his papa in Italy while “remote learning” how to make Nutella crepes for breakfast. We’ve been isolated — alone, together — in our new home on the east end of Long Island for ten days. “One cup flour,” he says. “Make sure the butter’s melted before you mix it with the eggs.”
I can’t help but wipe a river of tears as my youngest plates our thin, phoned in from Italy, made in America, French crepes smothered in just as much Nutella. They’re what we’re all craving: a sense of normalcy. A taste of New York City. A feeling of home.
You’ve read this far. Much more than I planned to write. But this is where it gets good, folks.
ATTENTION PASSENGERS: This virus may attack our respiratory system, our lungs, our friends, neighbors, and family members. It may overwhelm us with its toxicity. But this disease does not know the indomitable power of the human spirit aboard our ship.
Have you ever hoped for the well-being of another? Wanted more for our planet and for humanity? Then, YOU are ready to take on the real threat that’s on board — fear, anxiety, paranoia, scarcity, and lack.
YOU, dear one, are an essential part of life on “cruise ship” earth. And you, me, and all of us, have been preparing for this exact moment in time for eternity.
This is the time to choose love. Pack up the love, folks, share it widely, and sing it as if it’s your mantra on repeat shuffle.
IT’S LOVE!
… but it’s not just a kitschy 1970’s theme song lyric now.
IT’S LOVE because it’s downright essential to navigate these waters, calm the skies, and smooth that rocky sea.
IT’S LOVE and as the song goes, now more than ever…
I’m SUPER excited to share my new sketch video on my healing practice with you!
In April the idea got me — to combine my love for comedy with my love for healing. A couple weeks later I sat down with a couple of friends who helped me develop my ideas, then I wrote the script, and eventually filmed and edited what you’re about to see!
If you love the video as much as I do, let me know! Post comments below on YouTube, like it, and share the heck outta it! If you don’t love the video, think it’s offensive to humanity, to healers, to clients of healers, to mothers, children and people everywhere then please, please, please click on the “thumbs up” button below the video and let’s agree to never speak of this again.
Oh, and I’ve got some more fun stuff coming up!
* Sunset Meditation in Central Park, NYC – August 15th from 7-9pm. More info on my FaceBook group page: https://www.facebook.com/kimberlyblanchard
* Luminous Living: Loving the Life You’re Livin’! A 6-week Transformational Journey Oct 3, 10, 17, 24, 31, Nov 7 – More info coming soon on this virtual course, which will meet weekly for 90 mins on Zoom. I’d love to have you join us! If you are keen let me know!
* Plus more SKETCH VIDEOS! : )
I’m nervous and excited to share this video with you, along with my 17 friends and 8 followers on FaceBook. I know not everyone will get my humor or LOL when watching it. But I gotta admit that writing, filming and working on this sketch was BLISS for me. And I love that my friends and boys were a part of it.
Doing something — just because it’s fun, funny or makes the world a lighter place to live in— feels like reason enough these days. After all what would life be like without gobs of Legos to walk over, squirt guns, and screwing up important messages from spirit animals? What are you doing that you love these days?
What fun are you cookin’ up this summer? I’d love to hear from you… feel free to send me a message by clicking on “Contact” on the top right of the page.
With love, gratitude, lightness, and FUN!
Kimberly
Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Instead, when I look back at some of the most challenging times in my life leading up to my divorce and raising Samuel and Oliver on my own in Jordan, it’s as if I set up camp. Camp Hell. I didn’t get the t-shirt but I imagine it would read: “Camp Hell: Come to Roast, Stay to Burn.”
It sounds grim, right? It WAS grim!
It’s not that there weren’t people around me willing and able to support me on the journey through the fiery pit. It’s that I bought INTO the full range of sizes and colors in t-shirts reading, “This too shall suck,” “What doesn’t kill makes you wish it did,” “Success is born of struggle. Struggle. More Struggle. Repeat,” and “If you want to run fast, run alone; if you want to run far, run alone. Life’s a long-distance sprint down a lonely-ass road.”
Grim. Earnest. Serious. So grim.
What got me out? Two buried treasures that it would take me time to dig up:
Community + Spiritual Growth.
“Spiritual Growth” simply meaning there’s something larger at work in my life and it’s a force of goodness and grace. It goes by names like God/Goddess, the Divine, Spirit, the Universe, and many more. And “Community” meaning people who would see me through the darkness with support and acceptance, hellish burns and all.
After two decades working in the corporate world as a cross-cultural trainer and coach I feel deeply called to provide space where like-hearted people can come together to flourish and grow while experiencing life’s challenges. I feel called to share what I’ve learned about finding our own inner truths and letting them guide our way, instead of relying on outside voices. I feel called to help myself and others navigate our lives based on LOVE vs. fear and all of the shapes it can take in our lives such as control, jealousy, holding on, worry, comparisons and scarcity mindset. And I feel called to do this all in a fun and funny way, knowing that the most SACRED in life can be not-so-f*$#ing-serious.
My NEW t-shirt slogans are: “It will be easy, fun and light or I ain’t doing it!,” “If you’re going through hell, bring marshmallows!” and “I run fast and far, but never alone.”
If you are going through hell, please read these words slowly and as often as helpful:
Keep going.
Go with support.
Go knowing you are loved.
Go with courage.
Go with ease, grace and lightness.
All is well. And all will always be.
And if you would like some support on your walk, I’m offering three programs in the next month which offer my own special sauce of life coaching, Reiki healing, Akashic Records consultation and Com-eD-Ee. I’m kicking off with a free webinar this Thurs, Jan 30 on “Unlocking Your Inner Superpower” at 12noon ET. Bring a question you want an answer to, and we’ll play with one of our greatest gifts, our INTUITION! Whether you’re a seasoned intuitive or can’t even spell the word, you are welcome!
I’m also starting an online course on Friday, Feb 8th that will meet for weekly for six weeks for people who feel called to transform their lives in community called “ExtraOrdinary Grace in Challenging Times.” We have a few spots left for this first Friday cohort, so please let me know if you are interested!
And I’m continuing my face-to-face open circle “Spiritual Growth’ meetings in New York City. The next one is Wed, Jan 30 from 7-9 at the Meditation Studio on the Upper West Side.
I’d love to have you join one of the events and I’d be grateful if you’d share them with friends and loved ones if you feel called to do so.
Whatever you are going through — heaven or hell, tough times or smooth waters — may you know that YOUR *Special Sauce* is something that is absolutely needed RIGHT NOW on our planet. Lay on that sauce, baby!
Yes, Grace is AMAZING, and it is also amazingly extra ORDINARY. We humans are meant to live lives filled with GRACE, ease and a sense of flow, even through our struggles and what feels like life’s setbacks. Living in a state of grace is not only possible while in nature, meditation or a sacred place. We can live in a state of grace in the seemingly ordinary day-to-day activities that fill our everyday lives.
Perhaps your religion is kindness and you worship puppy paws, soft serve ice cream or the crackle of autumn leaves beneath your feet. Well, grace-full living is available to you, you and also you. Grace is available to us all, and is not just something that comes from outside of us (e.g. the Grace of God) and it doesn’t just belong to religious doctrine. It’s a spiritual approach to living.
Want more peace in the world? Start with cultivating grace at home, on your daily commute, at the coffee shop, and in conversations with others. Here are some ways to bring more grace-full living into your everyday life:
WAY #1: Lighten up– Last winter I was running my typical route around New York’s Central Park Reservoir. A man stood on the soft surface trail dressed in neon green running gear singly just as electrically in Spanish while dancing in place to the salsa music blasting from his phone. As I ran by he raised his right hand to high-five me and said, “Hola amigo!”
Salsa man didn’t recognize that I was an “amiga” until after I high-fived him with a “Hola!” in a vocal pitch higher than he had expected. He stopped dancing and said, “Oh Dios mio, es una MUCHACHA!” (Oh my God, it’s a GIRL!).
That was a particularly cold morning and I was dressed as any Floridian would dress for an hour of outdoor activity in the dead of an NYC winter – with a full facemask and enough layers to make me the size of an NFL linebacker. So it was no surprise that my amigo had mistaken me for an amigo. Later that day I told my friend that this dancing Latin had mistaken me for a man and she asked, “Weren’t you offended?!”
“Um, no,” I replied. “I thought it was hilarious. On the next lap around I high-fived him again and we both laughed.”
Speaking of high-fives, a comedian friend of mine, Kellan Breen has a joke about how 50 years ago men just shook hands with one another. Greetings were straightforward back then. But nowadays one guy will offer a fist-bump while the other guy goes for a wrap-around back pat. Even worse, a well-meaning elbow bump can poke the eye of a well-intended hugger. Mayhem! So Kellan decided to simplify life and high-five everyone, just like my amigo at Central Park. But then his Aunt Carol died. Kellan attended her funeral and high-fived his cousin with, “Your mom was such a great lady,” and gave another high-five to his uncle with “I’ll miss Aunt Carol so much!”
Hilarious.
My friend, Jackie, lost her 60-year old brother this summer after a sudden illness that came out of the blue for an otherwise healthy, vibrant musician, brother, uncle and friend of so many. Jackie and I sat on the bench of our boys’ elementary school playground and she told me, “You know, when it was my turn to memorialize him I told the congregation stories about my brother’s life that brought us all to tears. But we were crying and laughing. I almost still can’t believe it, how even at a memorial service hundreds of people were able to laugh together despite the tragedy of his loss. I guess he wouldn’t have had it any other way.”
Amen.
So far this blog is about high-fiving, funerals and the combination of both. What’s right with this writer?! (Versus the more commonly posed question).
I started performing stand up comedy in New York City earlier this year. When I posted about an upcoming show, a colleague I’ve known and worked closely with for over 15 years wrote on the Facebook post, “Wow, Kimberly! I never saw that coming!”
My trusted friend once again asked, “Weren’t you offended that she posted that?”
“Um, no,” I replied again. This time adding, “For most of my life I’ve been so goddamn serious that I’m not surprised at all that she’s surprised.” We both laughed.
During some of the most difficult times in my life I found myself getting seriously serious. During my divorce it seemed that weeks and months went by without much levity. When my ex and I broke the news to our then 5-year old son in our backyard in Amman, Jordan and told him, “Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to be married anymore. You and Oliver will stay here at home and Mommy and Daddy will move in and out each week to stay with you, but we won’t stay together,” I couldn’t hold back my tears. Samuel replied with, “Ok. Um, can I go ride on my fire truck now?” Leave it to the wise kindergarteners of the world to lighten up the most challenging of times.
Laughter is medicine. It heals all of us, and whether in the midst of a divorce, a difficult political discussion or a stressful workday, just a spoonful of humor can sweeten up the sourest of moments. When my 8-year old cries there are times when his howls of his delight sure sound like he’s just crash landed on glass splinters. Maybe that’s why crying and laughing sound so similar at times – they both heal us so deeply.
Here are some delightful ways to help life’s medicine go down:
1 – Watch comedy– You don’t need to be at Radio City Music Hall to laugh with Dave Chappelle and 6,000 other people to be a part of comedy. But heck, if you can see Chappelle, Schumer, Gervais, Gadsby, Gaffigan or whomever makes YOU laugh live and in person DO IT! There is nothing more healing than laughing together. Go to a local comedy club or watch your favorite comedian on YouTube or Netflix. Randy Rainbow’s “Desperate Cheeto” has 1.7 M views probably because my boys and I have watched it at least 255,983 times. If you prefer reading or listening to comedy, let your eyes and ears in on the treat too.
2 – Find the humor in YOUR situation– One of the first things my comedy coach, Stephen Rosenfield, teaches us at American Comedy Institute in NYC is that the spirit of a comedian is one that looks at his or her shortcomings and struggles in life and uses them to create laugher. Stephen says that well written and performed stand up material, especially the self-deprecating kind, isn’t the stuff of victims, but of heroes. I’ve performed at Gotham Comedy Club with heroes who draw humor from their struggles of being in a wheelchair, having Cerebral Palsy, being a disabled veteran, as well as challenges of unemployment, divorce and depression. When I’m able to tell jokes about the follies of single mom dating life and raising post-millennial kids you and I both know that I’m on the other side of the tragedy inherent in both (at least while on stage!). 3 – Don’t take everything personally– I could have taken offense that the salsa dancing amigo mistook me for a man or I could laugh about it. I could have taken offense that my colleague (and likely many other people in my life) was surprised that I was doing stand-up comedy, or I could be amused by that too. Be aware of how often you take something personally. When in doubt, give the benefit of the doubt.
4 – Smile – In the middle of yoga class my teacher, Lisa, asked us to close our eyes, put our index fingers on the outer edges of our lips and pull them upward. She then asked us to then open our eyes, and then choose another yoga pose while continuing to engage the smile. “See, the pose is easier when you smile through it.” Smile and the world, the yoga pose, the members of your yoga class, and even your life will smile back at you — even if you can’t do Tree Pose without falling.
5 – Get perspective–This summer while standing without a rail to hold onto on a hot, crowded subway cheek-to-cheek with a mass of sweaty fellow riders, my friend Susie said to me, “Well, at least you are tall!” as I held my 5’11” frame steady with one hand on the ceiling. The whole sweaty sea of riders in our area smiled. Sometimes it is hard to find the humor in the moment, so imagine looking back on that sweaty ride, on raising those post-millennial kids, or on your existential crisis in 10 years from now or however long it takes to get a big picture view or a shift in perspective. 6 – Bring out the silly– Even if we have different senses of humor and our own versions of funny, there is a lighthearted child inside of us all. Being around children is a great way to bring it out to play (especially if you aren’t their parent). If you loved Play-Doh as a kid, reading Dr. Seuss, filling out Mad Libs, or making snow angels chances are they can still light up the fun. Try it, I double dog dare you.
The school nurse called me to say, “You need to come pick up your son immediately. He has a case of live head lice.” As I walked to the school to pick him up, I literally scratched my head (sorry) thinking, Well where is the GRACE in THIS situation? I’ve never had head lice before and was disgusted and uncertain how best to de-bug us and our small NYC apartment. I cancelled my entire afternoon of work, asked a professional to come to our home to de-louse us all with coconut oil and a tea tree concoction, and then spent the entire evening with the boys at the laundromat cursing to myself and washing all the sheets, pillows, backpacks, clothing and towels. At the end of the day I wondered if it wouldn’t have been easier to shave all of our heads and move house. As we all laid down to sleep Oliver, my 8-year old, said, “Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the lice bite!”
Sammy and I both said, “Ewwwwww!” and then we all laughed to tears.
Buddha said, “One moment can change a day, one day can change a life and one life can change the world.”
Lighten up a moment today — even just one — it may just change your day and someone else’s. Lighten up your day and someone else’s day and you can change the world.
***
Please join us over the next days for more ways to live grace-fully as we prepare to kick off “ExtraOrdinary Grace in Everyday Life: A 5-week Program for Women” in New York City on Tues, Nov 13 at the One Spirit Learning Alliance. Please see www.newyorkminutes.org/events for more info and to register.
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Kimberly makes the spiritual practical.
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Where did the dark chocolate peanut butter cups GO?!
After the twinge I feel a long, deep pinch in my heart. This virus is serious, and is about to wreak havoc on life as we know it. Not now, or even in the next couple of weeks. But soon.
Have I mentioned there were ELEPHANTS?????!!!!!!!
