Cut to springtime in Amman, Jordan 2017. We’re moving in July. But where? The school year was soon ending, the kids then seven and nine years old, and the summer was on our heels. Recently divorced, the lease on my apartment was coming to an end as were our Jordanian visas. I’d scheduled our going-away parties and a moving sale. We were headed somewhere on a one-way ticket. But where?
Plan A was to move to Washington D.C., where I’d accepted a state department job. My security clearance was in process and my job now frozen under the new adminstration. Over the past six months I watched Plan A go from blazing fire to smoke and ashes. As the flames waned I just kept heaping on more logs, certain that having a plan B distracted me from my plan A. I thought my sheer focus and attention on Washington would help bring it to life despite the state department hiring freeze. I was sure that considering alternate plans might confuse the very busy Universe. But moving to D.C. without this job didn’t feel right.
Over a plate of tabbouleh, my friend Lily asked, “Wherever you land this summer, do you know you’ll land on your feet?”
“YES!” I answered definitively. “I’ll land on my feet… even if I fracture a leg in the process.”
That same evening I opened up my bedside journal. Earlier in the year I wrote an entry creatively titled, “My Dreams.”
The kiddos looking out over Petra, Jordan May 2017
The entry was like a shopping list made up of the secret ingredients for a meal I was hoping to cook up. The first ingredient on the list was Write. I’d written a blog the summer before about our quest to travel on kindness and wanted to write a book about our journey and keep blogging. I had a list of people I dreamed to meet, so I added Oprah, Ellen, and Liz into the soup like bits of saffron for good flavor, and as if we were already on a first name basis. I put Travelon the list. I had Relationships and added a descriptor, New modern love (hoping to uncover what that meant and which aisle I’d find it on once I was at the store). Soul Coaching was on the list, even if I didn’t know what it meant either; I liked the way it sounded. I put Women on this list with an underline, wanting to focus my life’s work to the benefit of women especially. And I wrote New York –big and bold with a long dash next to it.
New York– meant New York City. It was the place that had intrigued me since my first visit after college.
New York — meant a dream coming true. Each day I stared at an imaginary picture of myself in Washington D.C., the with the kids, the new office, and the neighborhood in Arlington, Virginia where we’d live and I wondered if it was the most supportive place for us to be. Politics very much not aside in 2017, was D.C. where we wanted to be now at this point in history? I froze up too.
The rest of the story is in the book I’ve been working on since that summer! But I share this here because in the depths of my uncertainty about where to leap to with my two young kiddos, mapping out where to go that summer was not about a rational list of pros and cons. It was not about following the dreams of where other people wanted us to move to. It was about following the direction set by the ambitions of my heart. After looking at that list in my journal, I started to consider New York.
Looking back I can’t imagine our lives without our three years in New York. It wasn’t easy to sell and give away all of our belongings to land in the Big Apple with two suitcases each. But it was right. For us. New York was a launchpad for all of those other dreams — writing, soul coaching, leading circles and workshops for women, and my first tastes of modern love. We may not be on a first name basis, but I even met Liz Gilbert at a meditation event and she wrote me a love note, “I’m in silence today! But I love you!”
What are the dreams of your heart? What are the ambitions you’ve tucked in the middle of some journal, tacked onto a vision board, uttered to a close friend, or lie in the depths of your own heart?
Your ambitions are no joke. They give you direction in life. When you set out on a trip you plug the destination into an app. It’s not about which roads you take as much as moving in the right direction. Same goes for your ambitions.
Want to move to another country, travel and work all over the globe but don’t have a passport or job that’ll take you? Want to run a marathon although you’ve only run a couple of miles? Want to write a book but you’re only scratching out emails now? Want to start a solopreneur business based on your passion even though you’ve done something “normal” most of your life? Want to perform comedy on stage in NYC although you’ve got serious stage fright and only your kids laugh at your jokes?
These are all dreams that lived in my heart until I fanned their flames and decided they were all roads worth taking.
Write down at least five big or small DREAMS and AMBITIONS. Writing them down gets your subconscious brain working on them even if they seem far reaching and unattainable. This is not goal setting time. This is not the time to say, “These dreams are impossible to achieve because of x, y, and z.” This is allowing yourself to dream and dream big of the future you most deeply desire.
As the year winds down, it’s the perfect time to dream.
Beginning January 26th I’ll be coaching a group of people in a six-week series called Ambition to Action. I’ve helped successful organizations like Lego and the LVMH companies, teams, executives, leaders, and myself move ambitions to actions, and I’m so excited about offering this to you. Let’s turn your vision board into an action board!
The single most important thing I’ve learned doing stand up comedy in NYC over the last couple of years is that while it’s fine to read the crowd, you don’t let the crowd dictate your energy on stage — whether they’re quiet and not laughing much or ‘hot’ and roaring. If the last comedian bombed, you bring your ALL. If the last comedian crushed, you bring your ALL. If there are three people in the crowd and you paid for their entrance and drinks so you could get on stage, you bring your ALL. If you’re in a packed room of hundreds who came to see you, you bring your ALL. Same same in life.
YOU BRING THE WEATHER!
Folks, I know for most of us it’s cloudy on board, and sh*#’s flying at us from all angles. We can’t control what’s happening around us and how other people are feeling and responding to what’s happening, or how much frozen food they’re buyin’ and stockpilin’. But we are FULLY RESPONSIBLE for the weather we bring. So, as much as possible, bring the sunlight, bring the calm skies, and bring the smooth seas.
Here are some ways we can bring the sunshine:
Give! The easiest way to shift your vibration positively and forget about how your rent/mortgage is about to be due but your paychecks are through is to help someone else. Check on your elderly friends and neighbors and let them know you’re available to fetch groceries, walk their dogs, or talk on the phone. Your time and attention is the greatest gift of all. See how you can support local businesses, the homeless, frontline healthcare workers, grocery store clerks, and so many others who need your specific magic and support during these times. I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve got me some friends over 70. This past week my phone log shows I spent 134 minutes talking to those peeps over the last week, and I’M THE BETTER FOR IT. They’re fine and all perfectly healthy, by the way. They’ve just been checking on me.
Nature! Even if we can’t leave home, we can listen to the birds, talk to a plant (they are such good listeners), or listen to soothing nature sounds at home. Mama Earth is a master healer.
Sleep! Enough said. Nobody judgin’ most of us for staying in our pajama (bottoms) all day. Sleep, nap, rest, repeat.
Laughter! “Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand,” said Mark Twain. Ellen’s Pawsup on IG is where we begin our day. Paws Up on IGMost comedians without a side hustle are completely out of work and could use your support (if not financially, you can like/share their work, and follow them)! Trevor Noah and the Daily Show team are producing their show from their couches, and that’s where my boys and I choose to get our news Monday to Friday. Daily Show with Trevor Noah
Move Your Body! At home, get yo reminiscent groove on with Richard Simmons, Jane Fonda, or Gilad, or do some yoga with Yoga with Adriene and her pup Benji, spin with Pelaton, or boogy down to some tunes at home! Or even better, find out how you can support your favorite local fitness and yoga instructors with online courses.
Spend time with elephants! Ok, this may be a stretch right now. How about we all watch an elephant video or two? Here’s one from my Thai adventure that I could watch on loop all day long. I do, actually. Mama sits on tired baby ellie
Gratitude! It’s easy to get swept up in how the changes in our lives are affecting us negatively. But, my guess is there’s so much to be thankful for if you’re reading this blog. Start with breath itself. Air. Life. The miracle of your body. Maybe you get to spend more time with your pet, loved ones, or alone. What’s sustaining you now?
Let the Fear/Anxiety/Worry move through you! Sit with your fears as if they’re your beloved child, breathe through them, and let them move up and out in whatever way feels best to you. Let’s do it right now. We okay, and we gonna be okay. That feels good.
Compassion! If someone around you is buying up the last dark chocolate peanut butter cups on the shelf, STOP THEM NOW! Just kidding. You can surely understand why they would. If someone sneezes in the grocery store, send them a “Gesundheit,” or “Bless You,” or wrap them in a cocoon of white light. Everyone’s doing their best in this moment. If you want the world to calm the F down, be a beacon of peace, faith, and loving kindness. You just keep bringin’ the sunny weather, my friend.
Use your intuition! Your intuition is always guiding you always on what street to take, how much and what food you need, whether now is a moment to stay home or go out, and that, yep, you can leave that bar of soap on the shelf for somebody else to buy.
Routines! Part of what many of us are suffering from is a complete break in our daily routines. The kids may be home from school, your work may be completely virtual (or in absentia) now. What beautiful new routines feel good for you? Where can you build in more spaciousness now?
Nutritious food, plenty of water and vitamin C! Or, whatever’s left on your grocery store shelves. I had no idea how much I’d love frozen onion rings, so thanks for leaving those.
Conscious News! If you choose to monitor the news, choose which news sources you monitor, when, and how often you choose to receive news. For positive news, I’m consciously tuning into John Krasinski’s Some Good News and Inspire More Inspire More Videos on YouTube Focusing on the positive isn’t naive, it’s essential. What we focus on expands, so let’s allow the goodness, kind-heartedness, and love on board flourish by giving it our full attention.
Breathwork! – Have you tried breathing? I know, I know. We’ve somehow been doing it successfully our whole lives. Check out David Elliott on Spotify for some pranayama yoga that might just show you the magical power of inhaling and exhaling (as well as the magic of a sweet southern twang). Or support a local/remote teacher who is offering virtual classes like Awakened Breathwork with Christian.
Prudent Purchasing! We all need to buy goods y’all, so let’s purchase with the abundance mindset. There’s plenty for us all, unless we take too much.
Where did the dark chocolate peanut butter cups GO?!
Prayer! Send positive thoughts first thing in the morning and right before sleep (and many times in between) to all beings. Simple say, “May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all,” as the Sanskrit Mantra, Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu, goes. Or choose your own prayer. Prayer is simply kneeling at the feet of the divine, or the force of love that governs all, and placing all of your hopes and fears in her hands.
Depth! Even now, it’s easy to get caught up in the superficial, like uh, “What’s for dinner when I have no idea how to cook?” Or we can revert to talking about the pandemic, the blaring headlines, plus all of our anxieties and worst case scenarios. How about instead of, “How much does everything suck?” we ask our loved ones, “What’s sustaining you now?” or “What’s inspiring you?” or even “In what ways do you find yourself sharing your gifts during this extraordinary situation?”
And thank you, by the way. For sharing your gifts.
In the comments, I’d love to hear how YOU are Bringing the Weather! Lemme know.
“It’s not safe to leave the house,” says my 10-year old son. “We could catch the coronavirus!”
Maybe he’s right. I don’t know for sure. For perspective, it’s March 7, long before NYC’s schools close and we’re ordered to shelter at home. “It’s Central Park, baby,” I reply. “Plus, we need fresh air and exercise to keep us healthy!”
After several minutes of back and forth and some arm twisting in the form of me agreeing to buy Nutella crepes en route, I convince my son to leave the apartment.
Is my son feeling prudent? Or a wee bit paranoid?
Over the last weeks, I’m sure all of us have tinkered with our internal scale of being prudent vs. being paranoid when making decisions. On one side of the scale there’s paranoid, knee-jerk, panicky behavior like buying thirty extra rolls of toilet paper and armfuls of Trader Joes’ dark chocolate peanut butter cups. I MIGHT NEEEEED THEM!
Then there’s prudence. I’m not in love with the word “prudent” either, folks, but I do love me some alliteration. On this side of the balance there’s prudent, discerning, thoughtful behavior-– kinda like buying five extra packs of toilet paper and gobs of peanut butter cups. Single mother and two children cannot survive on toilet paper alone!
Truth is, we’re all making decisions during the pandemic in different ways. In deeply personal ways. What’s prudent for you, might feel paranoid to me. And vice versa.
When the Novel Coronavirus outbreak first shut down Wuhan City in China at the end of January I was packing my bags for a trip to Thailand. With a layover in Taiwan. A week before the trip I froze up looking at a city under lockdown. This looks serious. I started having second thoughts. Should I go? What if I get sick? What if I get stuck in Thailand or Taiwan and can’t return to the US to my boys? I mean, my ex-husband was flying in to NYC from where he lives in Italy (oh, the future irony) to be with my sons, and I was looking forward to being at an elephant sanctuary on the tropical Mae Wang River on a spiritual retreat (can I get a “Hallelujah” and an “Amen”?). But what if the ten day trip mutated into a quarantine on return? Flights from China were already thwarted. Taiwan (and eventually Thailand) surely couldn’t be far behind.
What on Earth should I do? (I love that phrase, by the way, because it implies that there’s other planetary wisdom out there).
I reach out to friends.
One of my best friends flat out says, “DON’T go. Don’t risk it.”
I call another friend. “You’ll be fine. You’re not transiting in China. Remember SARS? That was way overblown.”
Then I call my friend who was co-leading the group trip to Thailand. “I’m scared, and feel irresponsible leaving my kids. What if something happens to me? What if I get sick or can’t get back to the U.S.?” I say for the first time aloud.
“Trust your intuition,” she declares. “It’s never failed you.”
Oh, yes. My own trusty inner voice. That faithful internal GPS that’s never steered me into the Hudson River on my way home. Why didn’t I think of that?
Two reasons. One: my internal GPS whispers. She doesn’t shout. And two: Fear has a way of clouding over that sage voice and gobbling it up like nutella crepes on a Saturday morning. Fear is the foe of our trusty inner knowing.
We were due to leave for Thailand on a Saturday evening. I promised myself to decide within the week — by Friday. I prayed on it. Meditated on it. Journaled on it. Walked around in Central Park reflecting on it. Obviously this was way before half of NYC was dressed in full body condoms scraping shelves clean of all products punctuated by 6 feet of distance as I currently write this. And, it was long before my 10-year old son was anxious about leaving the apartment, if it weren’t for the promise of Nutella crepes.
I ask for guidance. Then comes the whisper, “The answer is in your body.”
WHAT? Is this hide-and-seek?!
But I know what the whisper means.
I feel into it — into my body.
What does it feel like imagining myself flying over the North Pole all the while covered in a aloe-ey layer of Purell, landing in Taiwan, transiting on to Chiang Mai, and making our way to the elephant sanctuary? What would it be like to open the flowing curtains of my bamboo hut the next morning to greet the 58 year-old “Grandma” elephant and gently place three plump bananas in her leathery trunk while she blinks her eyelashes at me in delight? What about splashing buckets of cool river water onto Grandma and the other dozen elephants, walking with them (i.e. ducking behind tree trunks to get out of their way), daily Kundalini yoga sessions, and trying my hand at cooking authentic Pad Thai at a local cookery school?
I feel e x p a n s i o n.
B r e a t h.
W a r m t h.
O p e n n e s s.
A l i v e n e s s.
I mean, COME ON! Even if you’re NOT into the spiritual/yoga jam, there’s P A D T H A I AND E L E P H A N T S, people!
And then my heart twinges. Travel. It may be difficult to get back to New York. President #45 could close the borders. My ex might have to return to Italy before I can get back home. JFK airport customs and immigration might quarantine me at the JFK Holiday Inn. The boys could be Home. Alone. In. New. York. City.
After the twinge I feel a long, deep pinch in my heart. This virus is serious, and is about to wreak havoc on life as we know it. Not now, or even in the next couple of weeks. But soon.
I take a long breath. The answer is clear. I text the trip leader. “See you in Thailand. ”
I’m going to Thailand, even without the assurance I won’t get sick or that I can get home easily.
I’m not a nervous traveler. I’ve worked in forty-odd countries, including Iraq. I’ve lived outside of the US, my home country, for sixteen years, and spent seven of those living in the Middle East. I’m not braggin’ here; I’m just saying that what happens next was new.
As I pack my bag for Thailand that Saturday evening my stomach is tied up in 329 knots. My hands tremble as I shove my lightweight yoga mat into my heavyweight suitcase. Although I’d decided to go, fear wells up in my body and spills out.
I’m shaking like a 46-year old nervous traveler leaf! What the Tom Kha Kai is wrong with me? I know I’m supposed to go on this trip, but I’m AFRAID.
I go for a walk to help move the nervous energy through me, still shaking. Then I zip up my suitcase, hug my two young boys tightly, and say, “I’ll be back in ten days,” hoping that would be true. My ex arrives in time to lug my bag down the two flights of stairs before I make my way to JFK airport, where he’d just landed.
On the trip to Thailand I decide to take precautions. You know, the prudence thing. I’ve got Purell, WetWipes, face masks, multi-vitamins, and oil of oregano. And I have an epic, once-in-a-lifetime adventure with Grandma, new Thai friends, a super fun group of fellow travelers, and SO MANY ELEPHANTS !
Have I mentioned there were ELEPHANTS?????!!!!!!!
In ten days I’m back home in New York. I’m healthy. We all know that symptoms of coronavirus could develop within 14 days. None of us develop symptoms.
Fast forward to a few weeks later. New York City closes Madison Square Garden, Barclay’s, and all Broadway shows. The shows must NOT go on. Soon after, all schools and businesses in NYC shut down.
But LIFE must go on. And we must choose how to live it. And our children and grandchildren — even if you aren’t a parent or grandparent– are watching, folks.
As you make decisions during these days, are you weighing in more heavily on the side of prudence or paranoia? Only you’ll know.
On a meditation broadcast on social media by Deepak Chopra recently he said, “We’re all passengers on Cruise Ship Earth.” Indeed, we’re all on the same boat. Whether we’re in first class, economy, or workin’ on the ship. Whether we’re infected or not. This is not to say we’re experiencing the pandemic the same on board. But it is our collective illness. We’re all affected and we’re all needed to be a part of the remedy.
What do we do while aboard? Turn up in arm-long gloves and N95 masks at the lobster buffet and hoard all the crustaceans? Curl up in solitary confinement in a drafty lifeboat? Or do we dance in perfectly — social distanced — formations in the galleys? Make love in the cabins?
We choose, knowing that our choices have a ripple effect on everyone aboard.
We can choose FEAR – i.e. grasping, scarcity, not-enoughness (insert toilet paper, basmati rice, bottled water, Lysol spray, and peanut butter cups), thereby allowing our fears to thrust themselves outward like waves across the ocean. And where our fears meet the fears of others, a thick current of collective fear, mistrust, and anxiety will flow. Dare I say, this tide is a-risin’ fast.
It’s easy to be in fear now. That’s the vibration buzzing aboard. We know that fear and stress compromise our immune system. We also know that in most cases fear is about future worries and is not about the present moment.
Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
Cruise Ship Earth, we may be going through hell. Let’s not throw anchor out here!
What do we do with our fear? Let it rise UP and OUT. Fear is not meant to stay in the body. It’s meant to activate us to move, to change, to transform it to something else. Fear is a natural way for us to deal with feeling threatened. But we’re not meant to live in this state – a state of increased blood pressure, heart rate, and anxiety.
We all deal with fear in our own ways. The key is to process it. See it, feel it, allow it, and move through it. Talk to a loved one or counselor about it. Let your body shake it out, cry it out. Walk it out. Whatever works for you.
My ex and his family have been in lockdown in a town in northern Italy for several weeks now and he notes that none of the panicky stockpiling of goods is happening in Italy as it is here in New York City, and from what I’ve heard across America.
Why’s that?
Maybe we’ve forgotten that we’re all on the same boat. We’ve put such value on the individual in the “United” States of America we’ve lost sight of the fact we’re all connected.
And this virus has already reminded us in dramatic ways this disease is all of ours. Covid-19 knows no country borders, social classes, voting party lines.
United we sail. Divided we sink.
There’s no my toilet paper and your toilet paper. Okay, maybe there is. But I believe there’s PLENTY for all of us when we share the toilet paper.
Let’s shift point of sail. Remember the LOVE BOAT show and its theme song from the 1970’s?
Love, exciting and new, come aboard, we’re expecting youuuuu.
You’ll thank me later for reminding you of that tune. Or not. Probably not.
We get to bring ONE PIECE OF LUGGAGE ON BOARD, matey! We get to choose: is my luggage packed with fear? Or is it filled with love? It can’t be a little this, and some of that. It’s one or the other.
When we choose LOVE-– in the form of trust, faith, peace, calm, kindness, and generosity – we embrace it like the inflatable pants we’ll need when a fellow passenger throws us overboard.
IT’S LOVE!
When there’s LOVE there’s no room for fear, scarcity, anxiety, and not-enoughness. Oh, and small point, our true selves know only love. So the bad feelings we get when we’re packing up the fear (and Lysol, all the frozen foods available, and way too much TP) are because they’re so out of alignment with who we really are.
Bottom line. Fear is absolutely normal. Especially now as we sail through uncertain waters. Be gentle and compassionate with your fears.
However, love is MORE NORMAL!!! But how do we make sure we’re bringing the LOVE aboard?
Bring the Weather– The single most important thing I’ve learned doing stand up comedy in NYC over the last couple of years is that while it’s fine to read the crowd, you don’t let the crowd dictate your energy on stage — whether they’re quiet and not laughing much or ‘hot’ and roaring. If the last comedian bombed, you bring your ALL. If the last comedian crushed, you bring your ALL. If there are three people in the crowd and you paid for their entrance and drinks so you could get on stage, you bring your ALL. If you’re in a packed room of hundreds who came to see you, you bring your ALL. Same same in life.
Folks, I know for most of us it’s cloudy on board, and sh*#’s flying at us from all angles. We can’t control what’s happening around us and how other people are feeling and responding to what’s happening, or how much frozen food they’re buyin’ and stockpilin’. But we are FULLY RESPONSIBLE for the weather we bring. So, as much as possible, bring the sunlight, bring the calm skies, and bring the smooth seas.
My son told me this post was long — even in pandemic times — so read on about how to bring the weather during Storm Corona here… How to Bring the Weather feel free to check it out later or now and then come back. We’re expecting youuuuu!
On Saturday morning, March 28th, Oliver, my 10-year old son asks, “What are we gonna do, Mama?”
“We’re making crepes at home this morning,” I answer steadily. My internal GPS says it’s more prudent to stay outdoors than go into restaurants, even if they’re still open. “Then we’re going to lather up in Purell and head into Central Park for a walk.”
Just kidding. I don’t know how to make crepes. We have peanut butter cups for breakfast.
That same day I make plans for us to leave our itsy bitsy teeny weeny Manhattan apartment and head to a friend’s empty home on Long Island (with bikini –just in case we’d be there a long while). My internal GPS has been consistent and clear that it’s time to prepare to self isolate in a place with more leg room (and refrigerator space). I pack all the peanut butter cups I have, plus the remaining rolls of TP I’d gathered.
I pack not knowing how I’ll “remote school” two young boys while working to support us in a new place with no support network of friends or family nearby. I pack not knowing what New York City will be like when we return. I pack not knowing how long we’ll be gone, nor who we’ll be when we come home.
There’s so much uncertainty. For us all. But the truth is, there always was. And there always will be.
There always was uncertainty. And there always will be. Uncertainty isn’t the enemy. Our oversized fears about uncertainty are.
On Saturday March 28 my 12-year old son FaceTimes with his papa in Italy while “remote learning” how to make Nutella crepes for breakfast. We’ve been isolated — alone, together — in our new home on the east end of Long Island for ten days. “One cup flour,” he says. “Make sure the butter’s melted before you mix it with the eggs.”
I can’t help but wipe a river of tears as my youngest plates our thin, phoned in from Italy, made in America, French crepes smothered in just as much Nutella. They’re what we’re all craving: a sense of normalcy. A taste of New York City. A feeling of home.
You’ve read this far. Much more than I planned to write. But this is where it gets good, folks.
ATTENTION PASSENGERS: This virus may attack our respiratory system, our lungs, our friends, neighbors, and family members. It may overwhelm us with its toxicity. But this disease does not know the indomitable power of the human spirit aboard our ship.
Have you ever hoped for the well-being of another? Wanted more for our planet and for humanity? Then, YOU are ready to take on the real threat that’s on board — fear, anxiety, paranoia, scarcity, and lack.
YOU, dear one, are an essential part of life on “cruise ship” earth. And you, me, and all of us, have been preparing for this exact moment in time for eternity.
This is the time to choose love. Pack up the love, folks, share it widely, and sing it as if it’s your mantra on repeat shuffle.
IT’S LOVE!
… but it’s not just a kitschy 1970’s theme song lyric now.
IT’S LOVE because it’s downright essential to navigate these waters, calm the skies, and smooth that rocky sea.
IT’S LOVE and as the song goes, now more than ever…
I’m SUPER excited to share my new sketch video on my healing practice with you!
In April the idea got me — to combine my love for comedy with my love for healing. A couple weeks later I sat down with a couple of friends who helped me develop my ideas, then I wrote the script, and eventually filmed and edited what you’re about to see!
If you love the video as much as I do, let me know! Post comments below on YouTube, like it, and share the heck outta it! If you don’t love the video, think it’s offensive to humanity, to healers, to clients of healers, to mothers, children and people everywhere then please, please, please click on the “thumbs up” button below the video and let’s agree to never speak of this again.
Oh, and I’ve got some more fun stuff coming up!
* Sunset Meditation in Central Park, NYC – August 15th from 7-9pm. More info on my FaceBook group page: https://www.facebook.com/kimberlyblanchard
* Luminous Living: Loving the Life You’re Livin’! A 6-week Transformational Journey Oct 3, 10, 17, 24, 31, Nov 7 – More info coming soon on this virtual course, which will meet weekly for 90 mins on Zoom. I’d love to have you join us! If you are keen let me know!
* Plus more SKETCH VIDEOS! : )
I’m nervous and excited to share this video with you, along with my 17 friends and 8 followers on FaceBook. I know not everyone will get my humor or LOL when watching it. But I gotta admit that writing, filming and working on this sketch was BLISS for me. And I love that my friends and boys were a part of it.
Doing something — just because it’s fun, funny or makes the world a lighter place to live in— feels like reason enough these days. After all what would life be like without gobs of Legos to walk over, squirt guns, and screwing up important messages from spirit animals? What are you doing that you love these days?
What fun are you cookin’ up this summer? I’d love to hear from you… feel free to send me a message by clicking on “Contact” on the top right of the page.
With love, gratitude, lightness, and FUN!
Kimberly
What’s knocking at your door…besides the delivery person with another Amazon package?
Which opportunity is seeking you out? Is it love, a new job, a change in lifestyle, a new place to live, a new friend or something even more wildly exhilarating?!
In 2014 I became a life coach. I loved coaching from the start. When I asked for five practice clients when starting my certification, I was shocked that people actually wanted me to coach them. I loved coaching so much I thought I should just pay them to do it.
Then my coaching clients asked me to do workshops in Amman. I started offering those in 2015 and loved conducting women’s circles and workshops so much that I again wondered how is it that I’m getting paid to do what I love?
I kept going. I kept coaching. I kept learning new ways to work with people as a ‘soul worker.’ I learned how to lead meditations and how to lead circles. I got certified to do Reiki energy healing and to open the Akashic Records. Maybe I just remembered how to do all of these things. Even so, I still wasn’t sure how to offer my own special sauce mix of all of those things.
In September 2018 I sat with a group of friends in NYC. “You’re so intuitive,” said one friend I’ll call Maria. “The world needs your intuitive gifts, especially now.”
“If you could print a business card with any title on it, what would it say?” asked another friend.
“Healer,” I said for the first time aloud. “Whether I’m working with people in a corporate environment, working with the Akashic Records, coaching, doing my stand up routine, or even writing blogs, it’s all about healing.”
That same night Maria sent me a message. “When you decide what you want to offer in terms of healing, I’d like to sign up.” That was September 18th, 2018.
I thanked her. I said I would put something together and send it to her.
Weeks passed.
Maria didn’t give up. She knocked on my door again (via text) on October 15th. “Could you do your intuitive healing work with me by phone?” she asked. “I have several people who want to sign up to work with you (including me)!”
Oh shit! She hasn’t forgotten! Maria even knows other people who want to work with me? But I don’t even know what I’m offering?
Another month passed. Maria gently probed once again, “Do you have my correct email address? I want to make sure I haven’t missed your email!”
Holy cow, it had been over two months since our initial discussion. I so much wanted to work with Maria and her friends, and I wanted to offer myself up in new ways. I just wasn’t sure how and I wasn’t sure what I’d call it or if I’d even be good at it.
At the end of November, Maria became my first official “intuitive coaching” client. I opened up her Akashic Records and blended coaching with Reiki distance energy healing along with the rich wisdom and energies of the Akashic Records. Since that time I’ve worked with several other people individually, some in person in NYC and others via phone. I’ve also led circles in NYC and a 6-week Zoom tele-class teaching others how to unlock the power of their intuitive gifts. I’m still wondering how I got those people to sign up and how they continue to find me since I still don’t have a business card…
Then there’s all the testimonials from clients: “I’ve spent money on worse things,” said an unpaid actor who was unharmed in the making of this blog. “I didn’t know what to expect from my Akashic Records session, and my expectations were low so Kimberly exceeded those,” said another unpaid actor. “I knew one day Kimberly would stop being an Interculturalist (whatever that is) and do something I could actually explain to my friends,” said my mother. Sorry, Mom. “Thank you for another eye opening experience in your group last night. It was enjoyable and by far the best meditation experience(s) I’ve had in New York. Please keep doing this wonderful work.” N.H. a real person in NYC “Your 6-week course was a gift to my soul. When can we set up the next healing session?” said Maria, another real person who goes by another name and who I hope is smiling as she reads this blog. 🙂
“When are you going to tell people you are ‘open for business’?” Maria recently asked me.
You’d think the grim reaper was a-knockin’ at my door! What’s been knocking is about to knock down the door, and I’ll be laying there in my jammies eating gluten free chocolate cupcakes wondering what to put on my business cards!
After a session or a circle I dance my way through the streets of New York City and think, Well, that was just another lucky one-off experience. Crazy Mofos are paying me to do this work, but I’d pay them! Although this work is my calling, it’s like I wouldn’t answer the goddamn phone! It’s taken me many months, or even my whole 45 years on the planet, to catch up to the fact that maybe, just maybe this is what I’m supposed to be doing. Not just as a hobby, or a side business. Maybe this is exactly what I should be focusing my time and energy on now because it’s my true calling.
Here’s what I know for sure because Oprah and Deepak have said it to me in their meditations a hundred times:
What YOU are seeking is seeking YOU! Your DEEPEST DESIRES are your DESTINY!
If something similar is happening in your life, listen to its’ whispers, which will eventually become calls, knocks or even shouts.
They are the voice of your soul.
Pay attention to what makes you feel alive and what makes your soul sing out for more. And don’t be caught with a mouth half-full of cupcakes in your jammies with a green facial mask on when the door gets knocked down. Trust me on that.
So I’m shouting it from the rooftops: “I’M OPEN FOR BUSINESS, Y’ALL!!!!” … at least until my neighbors tell me to ‘shut up’ or call the police. Maybe I’ll just keep it to an email newsletter and this blog for now because who cares about business cards anyway. And because I like my neighbors.
I hope that YOU also continue to step into your deepest desires, that you know that your gifts are absolutely essential part of what your community, your family and our world needs NOW, and that when LOVE, OPPORTUNITY and FUN come knocking at your door, YOU’LL ANSWER, too!!!
Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Instead, when I look back at some of the most challenging times in my life leading up to my divorce and raising Samuel and Oliver on my own in Jordan, it’s as if I set up camp. Camp Hell. I didn’t get the t-shirt but I imagine it would read: “Camp Hell: Come to Roast, Stay to Burn.”
It sounds grim, right? It WAS grim!
It’s not that there weren’t people around me willing and able to support me on the journey through the fiery pit. It’s that I bought INTO the full range of sizes and colors in t-shirts reading, “This too shall suck,” “What doesn’t kill makes you wish it did,” “Success is born of struggle. Struggle. More Struggle. Repeat,” and “If you want to run fast, run alone; if you want to run far, run alone. Life’s a long-distance sprint down a lonely-ass road.”
Grim. Earnest. Serious. So grim.
What got me out? Two buried treasures that it would take me time to dig up:
Community + Spiritual Growth.
“Spiritual Growth” simply meaning there’s something larger at work in my life and it’s a force of goodness and grace. It goes by names like God/Goddess, the Divine, Spirit, the Universe, and many more. And “Community” meaning people who would see me through the darkness with support and acceptance, hellish burns and all.
After two decades working in the corporate world as a cross-cultural trainer and coach I feel deeply called to provide space where like-hearted people can come together to flourish and grow while experiencing life’s challenges. I feel called to share what I’ve learned about finding our own inner truths and letting them guide our way, instead of relying on outside voices. I feel called to help myself and others navigate our lives based on LOVE vs. fear and all of the shapes it can take in our lives such as control, jealousy, holding on, worry, comparisons and scarcity mindset. And I feel called to do this all in a fun and funny way, knowing that the most SACRED in life can be not-so-f*$#ing-serious.
My NEW t-shirt slogans are: “It will be easy, fun and light or I ain’t doing it!,” “If you’re going through hell, bring marshmallows!” and “I run fast and far, but never alone.”
If you are going through hell, please read these words slowly and as often as helpful:
Keep going.
Go with support.
Go knowing you are loved.
Go with courage.
Go with ease, grace and lightness.
All is well. And all will always be.
And if you would like some support on your walk, I’m offering three programs in the next month which offer my own special sauce of life coaching, Reiki healing, Akashic Records consultation and Com-eD-Ee. I’m kicking off with a free webinar this Thurs, Jan 30 on “Unlocking Your Inner Superpower” at 12noon ET. Bring a question you want an answer to, and we’ll play with one of our greatest gifts, our INTUITION! Whether you’re a seasoned intuitive or can’t even spell the word, you are welcome!
I’m also starting an online course on Friday, Feb 8th that will meet for weekly for six weeks for people who feel called to transform their lives in community called “ExtraOrdinary Grace in Challenging Times.” We have a few spots left for this first Friday cohort, so please let me know if you are interested!
And I’m continuing my face-to-face open circle “Spiritual Growth’ meetings in New York City. The next one is Wed, Jan 30 from 7-9 at the Meditation Studio on the Upper West Side.
I’d love to have you join one of the events and I’d be grateful if you’d share them with friends and loved ones if you feel called to do so.
Whatever you are going through — heaven or hell, tough times or smooth waters — may you know that YOUR *Special Sauce* is something that is absolutely needed RIGHT NOW on our planet. Lay on that sauce, baby!
This time of year I hear many people say, “It feels good to get back into my routine!” I enjoyed the holidays and the restful time leading up to the end of the year. Yet I too found myself looking forward to the familiar rhythm of my day-to-day life. Having time away from my daily habits has helped me see what routines I’ve created in my life in New York –- from getting up early to make the boys’ lunches for school to reading in bed and saying our prayers together at night. I am looking at the places in life that feel like ‘routine’ and am wondering how I can experience them more as ‘rituals’.
For me even the word ‘routine’ feels mechanical — like something that is practiced until memorized and then spit out over and over. As a ‘non-morning’ person many parts of getting up in the morning and smearing Nutella on bread, setting out the breakfast table, and making my pot of green tea can feel like a procedure a machine could do. In fact most of my morning routine is performed with my eyes mostly closed.
But a ritual feels more celebratory than a routine. Ritual might be carried out like a routine, just like the ritual of a handshake at hello or a hug goodbye. And to me rituals have a more ceremonial vibe. They seem like routines that whistle, dance and celebrate the everyday miracles of waking up, green tea, and Nutella.
This year I’ve decided to transform my morning routine into celebratory rituals! I’m lighting a candle at our breakfast table and listening to music while I make the boys’ lunches.
I’m sending some post-it notes in my boys’ lunch boxes with a message of love from mama along with their sandwiches, berries, and snacks.
This year I’m squeezing their small hands more firmly on our last year of walking a half-mile together each day to and from their neighborhood elementary school since Samuel is starting middle school next year.
A delicious cheese ritual…
If you’d like to create more ritual and more ceremony in your day-to-day life, here are some ideas:
Light a candle – try a new place in your home or office
Set an intention at the start of something that feels routine, like “May this time (working, walking, reading, packing lunches, cooking, sending emails) be joyful”
Let music, plants and flowers brighten your work and home space
Pray – I pray briefly and silently as soon as I wake up, when I drop off my kids at school, when I begin a task, when my airplane is about to take off, when I try to help my kids with their homework (that prayer is not always brief) and at many other times throughout the day. These moments make the ‘everyday’ feel sacred. A prayer can be as simple as “Thank you for… Nutella.” 🙂
Send light to someone – When I sit in the subway sometimes I imagine a gorgeous white or golden light beaming from my heart to someone (or everyone) else’s hearts in the train. There’s a man who lives on the street on Broadway just a block from us. He doesn’t accept offerings of money or food, relying only on trash can scraps, so every night we pass him and wrap him in a white light burrito of warmth and protection.
Mantras – Reflect on mantras that feed you while engaging in everyday activities. While washing dishes say, “I am abundant” (… because I have so MANY darn dishes to wash!). As you walk, shower, get dressed, eat or commute choose mantras that work for you (e.g. I am powerful, wise, strong, healthy, beautiful, fab, fresh and funky!). Have fun with yo mantras!
Even rituals can start to feel routine if we don’t keep them fresh. I love when Karen, one of my yoga teachers, forgoes her typical tranquil playlist and brings out the ColdPlay. Thank you for ColdPlay!
I’d love to hear about your rituals and ‘everyday sacred’ ceremonies too, so feel free to share them in the comments section below!
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Frustrated? Anxious? Up in the night worried? Or are you generally feeling like something important in your life is missing? And have you been feeling like this for days, weeks, months or even years on end?
Often, but not always, these symptoms are signs that we are not aligned with our soul.
Soul alignment? Are we really talking about soul alignment here?
YES.
I know. We talk more about the alignment of our back. If you’ve gotten this far, I promise it’s worthwhile to read on. This is your soul we are talking about.
On the human level everything in life may seem to be okay. Maybe you have a job, you have a family and friends, and you have a roof over your head. Even when your thoughts tell you that, “Hey, I got nothin’ to complain about,” when you are out of alignment with your soul your heart will tell you so.
Your heart will tell you so?
YES. I know, talking hearts may sound as wacky as soul alignment. But you’ve made it this far so keep reading. It’s your heart, after all.
When we come into human form I believe our ‘soul’ dwells in the space that is our heart center. But many of us are busy listening to the unruly child that dwells in our head. The thoughts that say, “It’s not realistic to change cities, jobs, or my life situation. I don’t have the time, money, etc.”
But the heart continues to speak to you, telling you in its own language that something is not right. And you can feel it when you are out of alignment. For some of us our soul gently whispers the deeper messages of the heart like, “You know, you always dreamed about (being a humanitarian, traveling the world, starting my own business, etc.). When are you going to make the first step?”
For some of us, the whispers have changed to a deafening shout, “Now is the time! What are you waiting for?!”
Three years ago at a workshop in Amman, Jordan where I was living I went into a guided meditation called, “Meeting your Higher Self.” In the meditation the facilitator guided us to meet our true self, my higher self, or what I would describe as our soul. Some of the participants experienced their soul as a ball of energy or expansive light. My true self revealed herself as an older, wiser version of me. She had one clear message for me. “Book,” she said.
“What book?” I asked her.
“Book,” she replied. Just book. She’s older, wiser and a lot curter than I am.
But I got the point. I was to write a book. At that point in time the only thing I was writing consistently was e-mail.
Beyond her message about the book, being in her presence (yes, I do realize it sounds strange to talk about my soul in the third person) also showed me that I was out of alignment. This woman was old as life itself, as powerful as lightning and equally as loving.
After the workshop I called my friend to say, “I was in conversation with my soul today. She said I should write a book.”
He laughed.
One year later I took my two sons who were 6 and 8 years old on a journey backpacking through Europe, relying on friends and strangers to help us. We traveled for 3 weeks without a plan and instead relied on flow and intuition to guide the way. I created a blog during the journey. My friend read it and said, “ You should write a book about this.”
I laughed.
Two years later and I’m editing the 337-page manuscript.
Have you had a person in your life that saw the best and brightest version of you? Maybe it was a teacher, family member or friend. Have you noticed that you fill those big bright shoes more easily around someone that sees you in your wholeness rather than what you are ‘lacking’?
We live in a world full of tadpoles. Tadpoles who are busy swimming around in the pond, checking pond FaceBook to see what other tadpoles are doing, buying things on Amazon pond, and drinking pond water. Ask most tadpoles about whether it is possible to live life leaping on land and they’ll chirp, “Leap on land? You don’t have legs, frog face!”
And you reply, “But I feel legs emerging! And at night I have these dreams that I’m leaping wild and free out of this water and on top of the lily pads and lotus flowers!”
“You’re a larval lunatic,” says the other tadpole.
Ok, so not all tadpoles are that mean. The point is that no one knows how you can leap on land, start your own business, write your first book, and live the full truth of who you are like you do.
Now imagine that you could see yourself in your absolute glory: whole, grounded, powerful, courageous, infinite, wise, present, the embodiment of love, connected, safe and eternal. This is the truth of who you are. It’s the first chiropractic adjustment to re-align with your soul.
*** At our Open Circle in New York City on Wednesday Nov 28th we will be focusing on Soul Alignment. I will be facilitating an “Inner Journey to the Soul” meditation and circle discussion. If you are in New York, please join us from 7-9pm at the One Spirit Learning Alliance (247 W 36th St).
Kimberly provided a quiet, comfortable, inviting space in the midst of the hustle and bustle of NYC and brought together a room full of beautiful souls, who in their own willingness to share and be seen, gave me the courage to be vulnerable and seen as well. That is ExtraOrdinary Grace!
Yes, Grace is AMAZING, and it is also amazingly extra ORDINARY. We humans are meant to live lives filled with GRACE, ease and a sense of flow, even through our struggles and what feels like life’s setbacks. Living in a state of grace is not only possible while in nature, meditation or a sacred place. We can live in a state of grace in the seemingly ordinary day-to-day activities that fill our everyday lives.
Perhaps your religion is kindness and you worship puppy paws, soft serve ice cream or the crackle of autumn leaves beneath your feet. Well, grace-full living is available to you, you and also you. Grace is available to us all, and is not just something that comes from outside of us (e.g. the Grace of God) and it doesn’t just belong to religious doctrine. It’s a spiritual approach to living.
Want more peace in the world? Start with cultivating grace at home, on your daily commute, at the coffee shop, and in conversations with others. Here are some ways to bring more grace-full living into your everyday life:
WAY #1: Lighten up– Last winter I was running my typical route around New York’s Central Park Reservoir. A man stood on the soft surface trail dressed in neon green running gear singly just as electrically in Spanish while dancing in place to the salsa music blasting from his phone. As I ran by he raised his right hand to high-five me and said, “Hola amigo!”
Salsa man didn’t recognize that I was an “amiga” until after I high-fived him with a “Hola!” in a vocal pitch higher than he had expected. He stopped dancing and said, “Oh Dios mio, es una MUCHACHA!” (Oh my God, it’s a GIRL!).
That was a particularly cold morning and I was dressed as any Floridian would dress for an hour of outdoor activity in the dead of an NYC winter – with a full facemask and enough layers to make me the size of an NFL linebacker. So it was no surprise that my amigo had mistaken me for an amigo. Later that day I told my friend that this dancing Latin had mistaken me for a man and she asked, “Weren’t you offended?!”
“Um, no,” I replied. “I thought it was hilarious. On the next lap around I high-fived him again and we both laughed.”
Speaking of high-fives, a comedian friend of mine, Kellan Breen has a joke about how 50 years ago men just shook hands with one another. Greetings were straightforward back then. But nowadays one guy will offer a fist-bump while the other guy goes for a wrap-around back pat. Even worse, a well-meaning elbow bump can poke the eye of a well-intended hugger. Mayhem! So Kellan decided to simplify life and high-five everyone, just like my amigo at Central Park. But then his Aunt Carol died. Kellan attended her funeral and high-fived his cousin with, “Your mom was such a great lady,” and gave another high-five to his uncle with “I’ll miss Aunt Carol so much!”
Hilarious.
My friend, Jackie, lost her 60-year old brother this summer after a sudden illness that came out of the blue for an otherwise healthy, vibrant musician, brother, uncle and friend of so many. Jackie and I sat on the bench of our boys’ elementary school playground and she told me, “You know, when it was my turn to memorialize him I told the congregation stories about my brother’s life that brought us all to tears. But we were crying and laughing. I almost still can’t believe it, how even at a memorial service hundreds of people were able to laugh together despite the tragedy of his loss. I guess he wouldn’t have had it any other way.”
Amen.
So far this blog is about high-fiving, funerals and the combination of both. What’s right with this writer?! (Versus the more commonly posed question).
I started performing stand up comedy in New York City earlier this year. When I posted about an upcoming show, a colleague I’ve known and worked closely with for over 15 years wrote on the Facebook post, “Wow, Kimberly! I never saw that coming!”
My trusted friend once again asked, “Weren’t you offended that she posted that?”
“Um, no,” I replied again. This time adding, “For most of my life I’ve been so goddamn serious that I’m not surprised at all that she’s surprised.” We both laughed.
During some of the most difficult times in my life I found myself getting seriously serious. During my divorce it seemed that weeks and months went by without much levity. When my ex and I broke the news to our then 5-year old son in our backyard in Amman, Jordan and told him, “Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to be married anymore. You and Oliver will stay here at home and Mommy and Daddy will move in and out each week to stay with you, but we won’t stay together,” I couldn’t hold back my tears. Samuel replied with, “Ok. Um, can I go ride on my fire truck now?” Leave it to the wise kindergarteners of the world to lighten up the most challenging of times.
Laughter is medicine. It heals all of us, and whether in the midst of a divorce, a difficult political discussion or a stressful workday, just a spoonful of humor can sweeten up the sourest of moments. When my 8-year old cries there are times when his howls of his delight sure sound like he’s just crash landed on glass splinters. Maybe that’s why crying and laughing sound so similar at times – they both heal us so deeply.
Here are some delightful ways to help life’s medicine go down:
1 – Watch comedy– You don’t need to be at Radio City Music Hall to laugh with Dave Chappelle and 6,000 other people to be a part of comedy. But heck, if you can see Chappelle, Schumer, Gervais, Gadsby, Gaffigan or whomever makes YOU laugh live and in person DO IT! There is nothing more healing than laughing together. Go to a local comedy club or watch your favorite comedian on YouTube or Netflix. Randy Rainbow’s “Desperate Cheeto” has 1.7 M views probably because my boys and I have watched it at least 255,983 times. If you prefer reading or listening to comedy, let your eyes and ears in on the treat too.
2 – Find the humor in YOUR situation– One of the first things my comedy coach, Stephen Rosenfield, teaches us at American Comedy Institute in NYC is that the spirit of a comedian is one that looks at his or her shortcomings and struggles in life and uses them to create laugher. Stephen says that well written and performed stand up material, especially the self-deprecating kind, isn’t the stuff of victims, but of heroes. I’ve performed at Gotham Comedy Club with heroes who draw humor from their struggles of being in a wheelchair, having Cerebral Palsy, being a disabled veteran, as well as challenges of unemployment, divorce and depression. When I’m able to tell jokes about the follies of single mom dating life and raising post-millennial kids you and I both know that I’m on the other side of the tragedy inherent in both (at least while on stage!). 3 – Don’t take everything personally– I could have taken offense that the salsa dancing amigo mistook me for a man or I could laugh about it. I could have taken offense that my colleague (and likely many other people in my life) was surprised that I was doing stand-up comedy, or I could be amused by that too. Be aware of how often you take something personally. When in doubt, give the benefit of the doubt.
4 – Smile – In the middle of yoga class my teacher, Lisa, asked us to close our eyes, put our index fingers on the outer edges of our lips and pull them upward. She then asked us to then open our eyes, and then choose another yoga pose while continuing to engage the smile. “See, the pose is easier when you smile through it.” Smile and the world, the yoga pose, the members of your yoga class, and even your life will smile back at you — even if you can’t do Tree Pose without falling.
5 – Get perspective–This summer while standing without a rail to hold onto on a hot, crowded subway cheek-to-cheek with a mass of sweaty fellow riders, my friend Susie said to me, “Well, at least you are tall!” as I held my 5’11” frame steady with one hand on the ceiling. The whole sweaty sea of riders in our area smiled. Sometimes it is hard to find the humor in the moment, so imagine looking back on that sweaty ride, on raising those post-millennial kids, or on your existential crisis in 10 years from now or however long it takes to get a big picture view or a shift in perspective. 6 – Bring out the silly– Even if we have different senses of humor and our own versions of funny, there is a lighthearted child inside of us all. Being around children is a great way to bring it out to play (especially if you aren’t their parent). If you loved Play-Doh as a kid, reading Dr. Seuss, filling out Mad Libs, or making snow angels chances are they can still light up the fun. Try it, I double dog dare you.
The school nurse called me to say, “You need to come pick up your son immediately. He has a case of live head lice.” As I walked to the school to pick him up, I literally scratched my head (sorry) thinking, Well where is the GRACE in THIS situation? I’ve never had head lice before and was disgusted and uncertain how best to de-bug us and our small NYC apartment. I cancelled my entire afternoon of work, asked a professional to come to our home to de-louse us all with coconut oil and a tea tree concoction, and then spent the entire evening with the boys at the laundromat cursing to myself and washing all the sheets, pillows, backpacks, clothing and towels. At the end of the day I wondered if it wouldn’t have been easier to shave all of our heads and move house. As we all laid down to sleep Oliver, my 8-year old, said, “Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the lice bite!”
Sammy and I both said, “Ewwwwww!” and then we all laughed to tears.
Buddha said, “One moment can change a day, one day can change a life and one life can change the world.”
Lighten up a moment today — even just one — it may just change your day and someone else’s. Lighten up your day and someone else’s day and you can change the world.
***
Please join us over the next days for more ways to live grace-fully as we prepare to kick off “ExtraOrdinary Grace in Everyday Life: A 5-week Program for Women” in New York City on Tues, Nov 13 at the One Spirit Learning Alliance. Please see www.newyorkminutes.org/events for more info and to register.
“Sorry. I can’t come tomorrow morning,” was all the text said. It was from the college student slash babysitter who was due to be at my apartment at 7:30 am on Monday morning. I had a feeling she wasn’t going to come.
Last week the same sitter had helped me out with task of making sure that my kids were dressed for school, ate breakfast, brushed their teeth and had their backpacks ready to go. This morning routine can be relatively pain-free and dare I say even enjoyable, taking only 15 minutes on some days. But on other days accomplishing the same handful of tasks involves a fair bit of cajoling, several shouts of “Why does this take so long?!” and even bribery. Plus 45 minutes of time. The amount of time depends on a formula that is directly proportionate to the amount of patience and cups of coffee that I have stored up that morning as reserves, divided by the collective amount of additional hours we all wished we had slept.
This was the third Monday in a row that I needed to be ‘at work’ at 8:00 a.m. “At work” might sound like I needed to be in shiny shoes in a midtown high-rise with my comfortable pair tucked discretely into my laptop bag. But I just needed to be connected to a phone line and have a quiet desk to lead a virtual training session for a team spread throughout Europe and North America. I took this series of three 8:00 a.m. training sessions knowing that I would need some support to get Sammy and Oliver off to school since we usually leave the house at 8:00, but having spent a year in New York City I felt confident that I could work something out three Mondays in a row.
On the first Monday I was wading in grace and good fortune. My ex happened to be in town and he took Samuel to school. And since Oliver was home sick that day, a friend who lives just a block away on the Upper West Side offered me space at her dining room “desk” in her studio apartment so that I could be ‘at work’ without an ill 3rd grader and Minecraft survival mode as background noise.
On the second Monday the sitter who had just cancelled on me helped the boys get ‘school ready’ and shepherded them on the half-mile walk to their elementary school. And even though the babysitter doesn’t live far from us, I guess $20 for the hour of work for a busy student was probably not incentive enough to come the next Monday at such an early hour. $20 is basically one drink out at a NYC bar. But heck, I wish someone would pay me 20 bucks for my valiant efforts to get three tired and cranky human beings over the finish line which is our front door and a half mile beyond it each morning.
Basically for two out of three Mondays when I needed to be at work early everything had worked out, well, with grace and ease.
But maybe what I refer to as ‘grace’ had run out that Sunday night? Maybe I had only earned a certain amount and it was all used up? After all, I’d spent the weekend at a monastery in upstate New York with a group of new friends from the neighborhood church that we recently joined. One of our pastors had invited me to join a small group for a weekend of worship, meditation, prayer, time in nature and divine conversation with my new friends, our pastor and the monks… without my kids! That meant I didn’t have anyone to feed or keep alive but myself for two days! And the weekend away was only possible by another act of grace: my upstairs neighbor and friend had volunteered to check-in at my place and stay with my boys for the weekend. Considering how not-so-religious I am, the whole weekend was nothing short of amazing grace for a single parent in the City.
The kids got spoiled by their upstairs aunt, and I got some much needed time away. By Sunday evening all three of us felt like we had been carried down a river of grace bopping along on a buoyant inner tube. The sweet river ride came to a halt when I got the text message from the sitter. Then I was suddenly up that creek without a life jacket.
“The sitter can’t walk you to school tomorrow morning,” I announced to the boys while they squeezed bubble gum toothpaste on their bristles.
“Well then who is going to take us, Mommy?” Samuel asked, mouth agape.
“I’m not sure,” I said. “Maybe I can just drop you off around 7:45 and you can wait in the playground until the school opens at 8:00.”
“I don’t want to wait outside!” said Oliver with both arms up and his thin red toothbrush hanging from one side of his mouth. “What if it’s raining?!”
“Well when I was little,” I began to relay the true story of my own father dropping me and my younger brother off at our elementary school in rural Ohio an hour before the school doors opened on his way to work. “I remember that one winter we got inside the big tires on the playground just to stay warm while we waited for the school to open their front doors so we could go in.” I was clearly taking the ‘telling your kids about how much worse off you had it as a kid to make them feel better about the sucky situation they are about to be in’ approach.
“Why did he drop you off so early, Mommy?”
“I guess because we were not in the school bus district that year. And my Dad had to get to work early,” I replied, not satisfying any of us with the answer. What I do recall is that the early drop offs must have happened for months or even a year until my Dad eventually left us at my friend Tracy’s house, which was a short walking distance from our school. Tracy’s parents must have taken pity on our frostbite.
In any case, that was small town Ohio about four decades ago when kids didn’t regularly wear seat belts, frost bite wasn’t front page news, the Citizen app didn’t showcase how many pedestrian deaths there were in a 1 mile range of my NYC apartment at any given moment of the day, and the slack of freedom on the leash of children was much longer than what most parents give today. I’m pretty sure my big city boys could walk on their own to school, even crossing busy Broadway and Amsterdam Avenues. They both know their way around and after a year in NYC, they are seasoned street crossers. But neither of them have a phone, and all I could imagine was them quarreling over who has exploded more Minecraft creepers smack dab in the middle of Broadway and subsequently getting run over by a school bus—such an ironic and tragic ending to a Monday morning that would make.
I thought of some options… -I could write the sitter back and say, “Please, please, please don’t cancel on me with such short notice! I will pay you more! Your next happy hour is on me!” -I could ask our ‘regular’ babysitter who is a trusted family friend to help out. Or even one of my cousins. But they both live over a half hour away from us. -Or I could ask the neighbor who had taken care of my boys all weekend. But as of this evening we were still friends and I wanted to keep it that way. -I could email the entire parent group at the boys’ elementary school and see if anyone who lived near us would be willing to walk with them. -There’s also a family from New Zealand who lives around the corner from the school. The mother and I run together on occasion and she must be one of the kindest people I’ve met in NYC. I could ask her.
So I texted the New Zealander mom, asking if I could drop the boys off at her house at 7:45 with, “I can imagine that might be a bit crazy with three other kids at home so feel free to say ‘no’!” And as soon as I pushed the green arrow to send the text I half-regretted asking an already busy parent for help at that time of day.
I alerted my colleague in Denmark about what was happening and went to brush my teeth too. Looking at my reflection in the mirror I said to myself, “I don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow morning, but I know it is going to be ok. There’s no need to call the neighbor, email the full parent group or panic.” Maybe I was just too tired to summon up more action. Or maybe I was ready to lean into grace.
At the monastery over the weekend I had spent time with one of the monks named Brother John. He, along with all of the monks I met at the Monastery, was so down-to-earth and easy to talk with. On Friday evening he had shared his journey from librarian in Pennsylvania to monastic life and his decision to take the Benedictine vows of Obedience, which includes chastity, Stability, and Conversion to Monasticism. Brother John compared his life and devotion to God to someone being in a committed marriage with a spouse. He was the first monk that I’ve had the chance to get to know personally and his piety intrigued me. Part of this might have been due to the fact that my only lifelong devotions to date have been to pop music and anything made from potatoes. But I am also relatively new to most things church-related. I consider myself a spiritual person but was never particularly religious and never felt a strong sense of a ‘spiritual home’ until I found this church on the Upper West Side. Last Spring I went to one of the weekly candlelit Taizé meditations held at the church down the road from me. After that I went to their Easter Sunday service. Then I started to bring my boys. And the rest, well, that is grace too.
At lunch overlooking the gently flowing Hudson River I asked Brother John, “Considering how much time you spend in prayer, can you tell me how do you pray?”
At lunch overlooking the gently flowing Hudson River I asked Brother John, “Considering how much time you spend in prayer, can you tell me how do you pray?”
I mean, I pray. I meditate. I light candles, send wishes, white light and blessings. But maybe I’m not doing it right? Maybe he knows the right way to pray, I thought.
His eyes smiled. He paused, put down his fork and replied, “Well, yeah, we do pray a lot here.” The monastery, true to its Benedictine roots of being a welcoming host and refuge for many visitors, is steeped in the tradition of prayer and worship, with a typical schedule of five services full of prayer, meditative psalms and hymns. Guests and locals come from all over to listen to the monks sing from opposing pews in a entrancing harmonized melody. Brother John looked me directly in the eyes and said, “It doesn’t matter how you pray or where you pray. The most important thing is praying regularly. If you pray regularly before you know it, your life becomes a prayer.”
Amen to that.
~~~
It had been a couple of hours and I had not heard back from my Kiwi running pal. As we turned off our bedside reading lamps we said our regular evening prayer, the one I learned from my grandparents:
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take, Amen.
Although the nighttime prayer might sound like it sleeps on the foreboding side of the bed, it has always reassured me. And my little guys rattle it off at their own pace too before we share what we are grateful for from the day and other special prayer requests.
If this same situation would have occurred a year ago, I would have likely called the regular babysitter and both of my cousins and when they didn’t answer I would have sent an SOS to the full parent group asking if anyone could help, and then without waiting for any replies I’d email my colleague and apologize profusely for having to cancel my participation as lead trainer in a just-another-manic-Monday panic. And then I would have spent a restless night in bed wondering what the opposite-of-heaven have I done?! When it came down to leaning into faith and grace in moments of uncertainty like this one, I would have clawed my way against the river’s current by sheer muscly force, only to drown.
But not tonight. Tonight at the end of our bedtime prayer ritual I thought about Brother John, and all of the regularity of grace that has been flowing slow and steady in my life since we moved from Amman, Jordan to New York City one year ago. I thought about the possibility of living a life of prayer, even if wasn’t totally sure what Brother John meant by that. Something inside me signaled that all would be ok, and that it always is. So I clicked off the bedside lamp and added, “I pray that tomorrow Samuel and Oliver get to school safely and easily and that I’m on time for work” and went to sleep.
The next morning I woke up, turned my phone on, and received a text message that had come while we were sleeping. It was from my New Zealander running friend, the super-fit mom who always has a kind word for you on hand and brightly colored running shoe laces on her feet. True to form she wrote, “Happy for you to drop off the kids in the morning or I can check on them in the playground if you take them early!”
There it was again. “Grace,” I joyfully muttered to myself right before tripping over Oliver’s aircraft carrier made of Legos. Then came a word a bit less holy.
~~~
At 8:00 am on this Monday morning I was ‘at work’, running shoes still laced up, and re-connected to my training group and to grace. My colleague in Denmark welcomed all of the participants who logged in early. And meanwhile the kids were enjoying the early morning sunrise view of Manhattan from their friend’s 23rd floor apartment.
Life regularly offers up surprises — illness, transportation issues, inconvenient working hours, and missing sock pairs — all the time. Grace asks me to let down my resistance to whatever I believe may be happening to me, and consider how it might be happening for me.
The origin of the word Grace comes from Latin and means thankful. Considering all that had happened for me in the last 12 hours, I was so thankful that I didn’t panic the night before and get my pajama shorts all in a bunch trying to control a certain uncertainty. I was grateful that my boys were so cooperative, good-humored and fast moving from “Why do we have to get up so early, Mom?” to the “Do I have to wear shoes today?” end of the routine. And I felt deeply thankful for the busy New Zealander mom, newly anointed as one of my ‘single mom saints,’ who helped me out at the last minute. Most of all I was thankful that I leaned into my inner knowing and the grace that lives inside me, as well as the grace of the universe that always surrounds me, trusting that no matter what the kids would get to school fine.
I used to think that Grace was just something I could experience on a mountaintop, in stillness or at a sacred place. It was some elusive, fleeting touch of the divine that I grasped for but could never hold onto. Now I believe grace is absolutely extraordinary because it is extra ordinary – it is everywhere in and in everything and in everyone. It’s not earned or taken away. It’s in the temple, synagogue, church, mosque, ashram and monastery. And it is also on Broadway and on the bus. It’s the magic that’s inside of us and all around us, always. It’s heaven and earth. Grace is where our humanity meets our divinity.
Sometimes the most ordinary moments– like getting to work on a Monday morning — provide us with just the right opportunity to dance with grace. This week I showed up on the dance floor ready to tango in my super sized Nikes. Grace encouraged me to, “Kindly let go of the tight grip you’ve got on me, sister.”
“Sorry, so sorry; I’m kind of new to this still,” I replied, easing up on her hands.
Then Grace whispered, “No need to step on my toes either, dear one. Just lean into me; let me guide you. You know, it takes two…”
… To dance with grace.
To find out more about our upcoming workshops on “ExtraOrdinary Grace in Everyday Life” please go to the Events page here!
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Where did the dark chocolate peanut butter cups GO?!
After the twinge I feel a long, deep pinch in my heart. This virus is serious, and is about to wreak havoc on life as we know it. Not now, or even in the next couple of weeks. But soon.
Have I mentioned there were ELEPHANTS?????!!!!!!!
